Great British Bake Off 2020: Edinburgh student Peter gets off to a tasty start in the Channel 4 baking show
Edinburgh’s own Peter wins star baker in episode one of the baking competition.
What better way to vanish from reality than with this year’s somewhat dystopian Great British Bake Off.
Trapped in a nightmarish bakers bubble, our friendly and inoffensive amateurs will be spending their days trying not to incur the wrath of resident sinister overlord Paul Hollywood.
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One of the victims..er… bakers, is Edinburgh’s very own student extraordinaire Peter Sawkins, specialising in accounting, financing and making one heck of an upside down cake.
Well, he managed to not drop it on the floor anyway. Nailed it.
The first round involved making one of the hundreds of apparent British classics that GBBO specialise in, the battenberg cake.
A good battenberg, as we all know, is all about that cross section, and Oor Pete’s cross section was as good as the next man’s (Matt? Mark? There’s definitely a Mark somewhere).
Peter made his battenberg with a ruthless and scientific precision, earning a curt: “delicious, well done Peter” from Master Hollywood himself, who I swear didn’t blink throughout the whole show.
If the intent is to get through unscathed and safe, then Pete absolutely crushed it.
“Couldn’t have gone much better” he beamed.
The pineapple upside down cake was up next, and this is where our lad really shone, earning the silver medal.
“No quarrel with that at all” was the high praise from Mary herself, oh Prue, PRUE...I meant PRUE.
Then, it all came down to the showstopper - well not really, Peter must have been feeling pretty secure by this point, but who am I to interrupt the drama and tension of cake baking.
This time the bakers had to make, and this is not a joke, a cake bust.
A human head, made out of cake.
I would have had endless respect for a baker who upturned their station, sending cream and crushed pistachios flying everywhere, before storming out of the tent and back to lockdown reality in the face of such a challenge, but then, they are all better people than I am.
Instead, we had an array of tasty celeb heads, ranging from David Bowie to Freddie Mercury to, naturally, Louis Theroux, who I think we can agree is the obvious choice.
Under the watchful eye of Noel Fielding and Matt Lucas, who could be filmed in an empty, blank room and still be funny (yes, that was a moment of sincerity from me) Peter made a strawberry and cream sponge head of fellow Edinburgh legend, Sir Chris Hoy.
After creating his work of art, sweet Pete even offered to help others as he finished with buckets of time to go, acting far too relaxed in a tent that was slowly descending into carnage.
With a cake that even Marie Antoinette wouldn’t let them eat (see what I did there?) and a slightly unsteady David Attenborough (well he is in his 90’s) the often grotesque display of cakes drew a mixed response from the judges.
Competing against some cakes that drew an expression from Hollywood resembling that of a man asked to drink bin water, Peter absolutely flew through the challenge without breaking a sweat, always a bonus in a kitchen.
“He’s got these wonderful athletes' shoulders...this looks lovely,” said Prue of the cake Hoy.
“Feels really fresh” added Paul.
It was only a few minutes later that Matt Lucas’ smiling face announced Oor Pete as Star Baker!
Gold medal Pete, gold medal.
Our new, Edinburgh hero is making us proud one perfectly cooked sponge at a time with his eyes on the prize.
However, a special shout out goes to Mark (or maybe Marc?) for his Darwin bust that came with the title “Ori-ginger of the species” – because that is the Bake Off content that we’re all tuning in for.