Preview: Andrew Ryan

Andrew Ryan
Andrew Ryan
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Andrew Ryan brings his new show Perfectly Inadequate to the Assembly Studios this Fringe

I’M originally from Cork, Ireland, but I’ve lived in the UK for 12 years now. I have English and Scottish friends.

We all hangout together, we’re all roughly the same age. We like the same music, speak the same language, and dress similarly.

We have some differences, though. One thing that I have noticed with my British friends is they have pints on their lunch break and then go back to work.

When I worked for many years in Ireland, if you had a drink at lunch you would be in trouble. Serious trouble.

You would be hauled up in front of the boss and sent home. Well, to tell the truth, you’d probably go for another few pints to think about what you did and then blame everyone else except yourself.

You just did not bring the smell of alcohol in to the office.

My English and Scottish friends drink during lunch hour (not every day) and when I worked in an office for five years here, I never once joined them.

They used to slag me off, especially as I was Irish.

I always said, ‘When we start, we don’t stop. You wouldn’t get me back in the office after two pints at 1.59 pm.’

If I had to go back, there would be a good chance I would not have a job the following day.

I’ve noticed some differences in interactions with English and Scottish people. The number of times I’ve been asked by English people:

Bloke “Where are you from mate?”

Me “Cork”

Bloke “I’ve been to Belfast.”

Now I know this is very nice and all that, but I don’t really care if you have been to Belfast.

I’ve started counter attacking this for my own fun.

Bloke “Where are you from mate?”

Me “ Cork”

Bloke “I’ve been to Belfast”

Me “Where are you from?”

Bloke “Southampton”

Me “I’ve been to Aberdeen”

I love the silence that follows. I like the awkwardness of this interaction. I’ve done it many times.

I know English people are very nice and they allow me to live in their country, but your previous holidays are of no interest to me. Sorry.

I’ve had some good exchanges with Scottish people about where I am from, however.

This one stands out from a few years ago in Edinburgh.

Bloke “ Where are you from ?”

Me “ Cork”

Bloke “ Never heard of it”

Me “ It’s in the south of Ireland”

Bloke “ Good for you”

I enjoy pints with Scottish people more I must admit.

Andrew Ryan: Perfectly Inadequate, Assembly Studios, George Square, until 30 August, 7.50pm, £10-£11, 0131-226 0000