Jubilee weekend supermarket food offerings: the treats and fails

These are probably not their greatest triumphs.

Waitrose's Jubilee Fairy Cakes £6.50
Waitrose's Jubilee Fairy Cakes £6.50

You don’t have to be a royalist to enjoy the Jubilee-themed food that’s appeared in the shops.

After all, chocolate eggs at Easter aren’t reserved for the religious.

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However, we have noticed a distinct lack of inspiration, when it comes to certain brands’ novelty offerings. There were so many potential references - hats, handbags, horses, headscarves, 4x4s, an effigy of Balmoral, alphabet spaghetti with just the letters HRH, but they’ve been boringly reverential.

Sainsbury's Coronation Chicken Pasties £2.65

Instead, it’s bunting, Union Jacks, the occasional crown and tons of coronation chicken.

If we see another Victoria sponge, we will scream. Well, eat a few slices first, then scream.

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Here are a few of the more interesting creations.

MARKS & SPENCER

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Tyrrells Coronation Chicken Crisps £2.30

Markies rendered an almost life-sized 3D dachshund in chocolate for Easter. It went on to sell for inflated sums on eBay. You’d think they could do a corgi. Well, they have, in their Collection of Corgis box, but they’re Freddo-sized. They’ve also created an array of musical biscuit tins, which we haven’t tested but presumably play The Sex Pistols, and a good-looking Strawberries & Cream Cake. However, the piece de resistance is slightly sinister looking Corgi Meets Jubilee Connie the Caterpillar. Connie is in a crown-emblazoned cape, and the Corgi is wearing a Union Jack one. They look like they’re about to wrestle. marksandspencer.com

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MR KIPLING

We’ve always imagined Mr K as resembling JR Hartley in the old Yellow Pages adverts. He has been very busy of late in his product development kitchen and has dyed all the French Fancies in the E-number hues of the flag, including a lovely Domestos blue, and has created a couple of other new Jubilee cakes, including the Trifle Bakewell – a custard tart with sprinkles. mrkipling.co.uk

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Mr Kipling's Trifle Bakewells £1 at Asda

SAINSBURY’S

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This supermarket has taken Coronation chicken, and gone cock-a-doolally with it. For children of the Seventies, that’s fine, as it gives us Proustian feelings. Their range includes nuts, pasties, a pie, crisps, cauliflower, and a chickpea salad, all infused with the classic medley of chicken, curry and raisins. Fine if you’re one of the few who can thole the raisins. sainsburys.co.uk

Jubilee Gin £15 Morrisons
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TYRRELL’S

This brand’s Coronation Chicken crisps feature more Union Jacks than a mod rally. That is all. tyrellscrisps.co.uk

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WAITROSE

You’d think this supermarket would be all over the Jubilee like a rash, especially since most people who shop here are related to royalty. Nope. After a peruse online, we found fairy cakes and a crown-emblazoned biscuit. Heston Blumenthal must have been told to stand down from his wacky Heston for Waitrose creations, if he wants to keep that OBE. waitrose.com

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ALDI

Never mind the food, as we got distracted by Aldi’s surreal soft toy set, which features carrots dressed as the Queen and Prince Charles. We’ve also heard that they are doing Eton Mess Gin Liqueur and a take on pigs-in blankets-called Platinum Corgis - stuffing wrapped in bacon, with cranberries for eyes. aldi.co.uk

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MORRISONS

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There are Coronation Scotch Eggs and a Coronation Chicken & Pork Slicing Pie here, though stock of their Clarence the Corgi caterpillar cake is running low. Presumably M&S has bought them all, and burnt them. Joke. They’re also selling Jubilee Gin: The Best Strawberry & Mint Gin Liqueur, in a bottle that looks like it contains kryptonite. groceries.morrisons.com