A spectacular week for fans of time travel - Vladimir McTavish
The Beatles are back at number one in the charts for the first time in over 50 years and David Cameron is back in government. I’m sure we’ll agree which of those events would have seemed least likely seven days ago. I know we’re supposed to put the clocks back in autumn, but this is taking things too far.
I reckon if Bobby Charlton hadn’t died last month, he might have been called up by the England football team. Perhaps even that won’t stop Gareth Southgate giving him a recall. After all John Lennon has been dead for over 40 years and it didn’t stop him recording a number one hit.
Cameron’s return is like the storyline in a soap opera, like when Harold Bishop returned from the dead in Neighbours despite having been killed off years before. Cameron isn’t dead, of course. He’s merely been moved to the House Of Lords, which is practically the same thing.
What is unbelievable is that Rishi Sunak has a total of 350 MPs and doesn’t think any of them would be able to fill the post of Foreign Secretary. Admittedly we do know already that several of them would make dreadful Foreign Secretaries. Because we’ve already seen them in the job. There’s only so many times you can scrape that particular barrel.
Liz Truss held the job at the start of 2022, and was sent over to Russia on a diplomatic mission just before the invasion of Ukraine. This involved a visit to Moscow to negotiate with Putin. Her tactics to try to dissuade him from going ahead with the war? Prancing around Red Square in a ludicrous fur hat, taking selfies. She looked like the mother-of-the-bride on a hen weekend, well into her third Prosecco. All good fun but, as peace missions go, it was a total train wreck.
Worse still, before that was Jeremy Hunt. When he was Foreign Secretary, he actually forgot his own wife’s nationality. In a speech on a visit to Tokyo he claimed his wife was Japanese. She’s Chinese, as it happens. An inexcusable mistake for any husband to make, let alone one whose job involves dealing with foreign governments.
Most recently, we’ve had James Cleverly, I’ve always wondered whether that’s his real name. It sounds like one of those ironic nicknames, like a bald man whose friends refer to as “Curly”. Cleverly has been moved to Home Secretary to fill the yawning gap left by the sacking of Suella Braverman. Cruella, of course, intentionally got herself sacked in order to mount a leadership challenge some time in the future.
Her article in The Times slagging off the Metropolitan Police was the political equivalent of being sick over your boss at the office Christmas party. Back to The Beatles. Many fans say that Now And Then is a pale imitation of the Fab Four at their best. I reckon the Tory faithful will soon be saying the same about David Cameron. And if you’re missing Suella’s swivel-eyed nut jobbery, don’t worry. She’ll be back. Worse than before.