Boris Johnson could do anything as caretaker Prime Minister. He might even decide to invade Peppa Pig World – Susan Morrison

So is Boris going or is he staying? What's with the shilly-shallying? Surely Mr Johnson is a great one for the clean break, the ‘get exit done’ approach?

Will Boris Johnson decide to invade Peppa Pig World while caretaker Prime Minister? (Picture: Theo Wargo/Getty Images for Good+Foundation)

What does a caretaker prime minister do, exactly? Is it like a supply teacher? Ours just sat at the front of the class and made us read for an hour.

Leaving Boris lurking in Number 10 could be dangerous. He might run amok with the Downing Street wine cellar and the nation's credit card and start boozily watching late night TV home shopping channels. Before you know it, fleets of delivery vans could be bringing in tons of cut price Sodastream machines and diamante necklace and earring sets to pacify a raging Carrie.

If a week is a long time in politics, from here to October is eternity. A bored Boris could get up to a lot of high jinks before autumn. Why, we could find ourselves declaring war on Peppa Pig World. Who could then deny that we must therefore stick with our Prime Minister during such an international crisis?

I fear what will happen when he finally gets handed his P45. He likes the spotlight, does Boris. He may try to get himself recast as a national treasure, like Michael Portillo.

Thatcher's ex-poster boy now chunters about on the railways, sporting a series of questionable jacket-and-chino combinations and being charming. In ’97, so reviled was he that his general election defeat was the cause of unbridled roaring rejoicing.

He might ruin some of my favourite programmes, haunting panel shows trying to be funny. Bafflingly, he once said he liked to make toy buses out of wine boxes. He might try to muscle in on The Repair Shop.

Can he dance? Could be a possible tango in the future. If I were Carrie, I’d kibosh that one fast. Got form, your boy. You don’t want him cheek-to-cheek with a lithe, long-legged lass.

One whiff of a Bake-off appearance and I will personally plot to cut the guy ropes of that tent.

His glory days might be dimming, but don’t expect him to go quietly into the dark.