Downing Street party: Boris Johnson must go! But not too quickly please – Vladimir McTavish

As I write this, Boris Johnson is still the Prime Minister, but so much could have happened between my deadline and the publication of this article.

Boris Johnson should show himself the red card (Picture: Stefan Rousseau/PA)
Boris Johnson should show himself the red card (Picture: Stefan Rousseau/PA)

Obviously, for the good of the country, it would be best if he were to go quickly. However, for sheer entertainment value, I would prefer his end to be as slow, painful and humiliating as possible.

Rather than being stabbed in the back in a back-bench coup, it will be so much more cathartic to see him hanging on by his fingertips getting a prolonged kicking from all sides. Even from Douglas Ross.

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Boris saying sorry to Parliament on Wednesday was his second apology in the last few months. Before Christmas, we had his shambolic speech at the CBI when he kept dropping his notes, rambling about his trip to Peppa Pig World, and constantly mumbling “forgive me”.

Bit late to be asking that, having ruined the economy and presided over so many unnecessary deaths from Covid.

And after so many multiple lies about so many multiple parties alleged to have happened in Downing Street, I think even Johnson is utterly confused as to which party he is fibbing about.

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Firstly, the Christmas party at Number Ten in December 2020, which the PM first denied had happened, then changed his story, claiming he did not know it happened. It happened in his house. Anyone who does not notice a massive booze-up in their own house really does not have the powers of observation required to lead a country through a pandemic.

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After another revelation, Bojo’s next gambit was to claim it wasn’t a party but a Zoom quiz. Are we really supposed to believe that a man incapable of giving a straight answer to a question took part in a quiz ? Presumably the first question in the quiz was “who’s been to Peppa Pig World?”

Most damning is the garden party in May 2020, when we were only allowed to meet one other person outdoors, and when there was a limit on numbers attending funerals.

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About 100 people were invited to the bash, and asked to bring a bottle. It is alleged that as many as 30 actually attended. Presumably, the other 70 invitees decided not to turn up because they were cheesed off at the penny-pinching nature of making a Downing Street party BYOB.

Johnson claimed, and still continues to do so, that he thought it was a “business meeting”. Again, an even more damning admission than owning up to throwing a party.

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When the “business” in hand is guiding the UK through its most severe crisis in living memory, conducting that “business” at the same time as having a ginormous knees-up would at best appear to be the height of folly. Or at worst sociopathic arrogance.

Labour’s Angela Raynor went straight for the jugular in Parliament, claiming that Johnson “can run but he can’t hide”. I think she’s probably about 50 per cent accurate with that assertion.

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While he most certainly cannot hide, the obese wreck who was the Prime Minister (at the time of writing) does not really strike me as someone who can run either. He has certainly proved himself utterly incapable of running the country.

By now he may not be running the country. One can hope.

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