Darkly comic play sheds light on assisted dying - Bonnie Oddie
In 2019, my family and I accompanied mum to Dignitas for an assisted death. I had been living in her house with my two teenage daughters for four years when she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and swiftly announced her plans for Switzerland.
Many of us determine, when we have children, not to pass on the emotional heritage our parents gave us. Living with three generations of women, I became painfully aware of just how difficult that actually is.
Regardless of what our deepest wisdom might tell us, in many ways, we are pretty much made of what our parents gave us.
Unlike the transformative experience I desired, in the main I simply became “a bad mother and a bad daughter at the very same time”.
Then came navigating mum’s decision.
These days, most conversations about assisted dying are taking place within the confines of political debate. Debate demands opposing sides and firm conclusions. Families, death and dying are rarely so accommodating.
When it comes to legislation, my one conviction is that people need to be able to talk about what is happening and receive emotional support from their communities without fear of punishment.
I chose not to join the public debate after mum died. I could not reduce what had happened to an argument for or against. Plus, grief.
Eventually, I wrote That’s Why Mums Go to Switzerland, a play about three generations of women, emotional inheritance and that journey to Dignitas.
Bringing it to the Edinburgh Fringe created something important: A space in which people of different ages and views could talk about death.
After one performance, I came across a 17-year-old girl talking to a couple in their seventies about death and families. They had shared a tear and a laugh. That image has stayed with me.
This year, we have invited people outside the venue to write down their thoughts and hang them from a washing line. The responses have been funny, painful, thoughtful, contradictory, and human.
Some people know precisely what they believe. Others don’t.
This is where I suspect compassionate conversation might begin, not with opinion, with heart. Assisted dying remains politically charged, but death touches every family, regardless of who votes for what.
This play may not settle the assisted dying debate. It does, however, hold a space for something debate doesn’t. Uncertainty, empathy and the recognition that every life, family and death is unique.
Bonnie Oddie’s show is at Underbelly Bristo Square (Clover) every day until August 31