Does Boris Johnson’s plan to break the law mean it’s okay for me to shoplift a new bag? – Susan Morrison

What has happened to Tory Prime Ministers, wonders Susan Morrison after Boris Johnson suggests it’s all right to break the law.

David Whatshisname from that 90s romcom with Hugh Thing. Or former Prime Minister David Cameron (Picture: Lisa Ferguson)

He popped up on the telly. Ooo, I thought, now, I know him. Let me think. I shouted through to my husband “He’s that bloke! He was in that 90s film with Hugh Thing. You know, that romcom. We saw it in the Odeon. You know, him. Played Hugh Thing’s older brother. That’s him, isn’t it?’

My husband looked at the screen and said “It’s David Cameron”.

And do you know, it was. Well, I wondered where he had gone. Last I saw of him, he was tiddly-pom-poming back into Number 10 like he was channelling Captain Cameron of the Dunhill & Kensitas Rifles leaving the trenches one afternoon in 1916 having just broken it to the lads that they’d be going over the top at dawn face first into Boche front lines using experimental water pistols instead of actual bullets.

What has happened to Tory Prime Ministers? They don’t seem very good at their jobs these days. Who came after him? Whatshername... Oh yes, Mrs May. She seems to have taken to sprawling on the back benches like a stranded mermaid who swapped her tail for the chance to hold Donald Trump’s hand.

Look at the one we’ve got now. Kids? He’s got a few, but then again, can’t really mention. Or count. Probably gets a Fathers’ Day card signed simply ‘Guess Who?’ Fun for all the family. Wherever they may be.

This sort of behaviour used to get you straight onto the Jeremy Kyle show with Jezza roaring that the DNA results confirm “You ARE the father”.

Like a Kyle green room habitutee Mr Johnson likes breaking a law or two. But we must not worry. This treaty that Boris signed and apparently either didn’t read or didn’t understand, will only be broken in specific and limited ways.

Excellent. I need a new shoulder bag. I shall take it from Harvey Nichols. I will be breaking the law, but only for this specific and limited reason. I am sure H Nichols will understand.

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