Early Euro exit puts kibosh on booze free June, but now its a dry July - Vladimir McTavish

Scotland players following Sunday's Euro 2024 group-stage exit after Hungary won 1-0 thanks to a dramatic added-time goal in the Stuttgart Arena. (Photo by Andrew Milligan/PA Wire)

In fact, if any reader of this column spots me with a pint in my hand between now and the start of August, please feel free to write to your MP (if you’ve found out who they are yet) or tell my mum (if you have a Ouija board). Failing that, approach me in person and call me an a***hole.

The reason I am embarking on a dry July is that my Fringe show opens on the last day of the month, Wednesday 31 to be exact, much earlier than normal. The four or five weeks leading up to the start of the festival can often be much harder work that actual Fringe itself. July is the month when you have to get all your publicity sorted, and make sure all of your technical requirements are in place. It is also when you do previews of your show and find out which parts need more work. It helps to have a clear head to do all this. Also, I know for a fact that once the festival is underway, staying off the bevvy can be a real test of one’s self-control. So it pays to get match-fit, before we all get into the city’s annual carnival of self-indulgence.

In the past I have taken part in Dry January which I enjoyed so much that I carried it on into the first week of February and was thinking of stretching my sobriety further, but then had a working trip to the Adelaide Fringe in Australia and my good intentions literally went south. One year, I did Sober October. I then drank so much the following month that it was soon christened I Can’t Remember November.

I planned to do an alcohol-free June this year. However, Scotland’s participation in the Euros soon put the kibosh on that idea. The games against Switzerland and Hungary were so nerve-shredding, it was impossible to watch without a beer in my hand. While the Germany game was so utterly depressing, it was simply a case of getting completely blotto to wipe out the pain.

Much has been written about Scotland’s exit from the tournament, but they actually achieved something quite remarkable. It was a competition comprising the top 24 nations in Europe. Of these, 16 progressed to the next phase while only eight went home. It was easier to stay in the Euros. It was actually twice as difficult to get knocked out.

Back to the Fringe. This year will be the 30th anniversary of my first appearance at the Fringe. My show at The Stand, 30 Years Still Standing-Up, is a look back at those three mis-spent decades which began in August 1994. Performing upstairs from a grocer’s shop on George Street, I was the the joint-winner of the Strathmore Water Comedy Award.

On August 1, I will be performing at The Stand’s press launch for this year’s Fringe. If anyone sees me that night, please do offer to buy me a drink. I’m going to be very thirsty by then.