Edinburgh Zoo getting giraffes is most appropriate as there's just something irredeemably ‘Corstorphine’ about their faces – Susan Morrison

Edinburgh loves giraffes. There’s a statue with two of them outside the Omni Centre. I’m fond of them, but I am not sure what they are doing there.

Friday, 28th May 2021, 12:30 pm
Edinburgh's new giraffes have great views of Corstorphine and other parts of Edinburgh from their enclosure

Are they a memorial to brave giraffes who fought in WW2, like the Nazi-battling Wojtek the Bear?

Are they a gift to the city, like the statue of Bum the Dog? It's from San Diego and yes, the name’s a tad embarrassing now. Let's all snigger then move on.

Are they just art? Up at the university, there’s a random rhino head sticking out of a wall. There must be an office on the other side. Do those poor folks have to share work space with a rhino bahookie?

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Incidentally, that's two giraffes, one bear, a dog and a bit of a rhino. That’s about twice as many statues as there are of women.

But now we’ve got real giraffes again. Edinburgh Zoo welcomed Ronnie and Arrow to a cool bachelor pad, and another three giraffe lads joined them soon after.

Giraffe numbers in the wild are dwindling, so breeding programmes at zoos are important. Our boys had better get romantic, and fast. Yes, I noticed all our new long-necked friends are boys, too, but I assume the terribly clever zoo people have spotted this and some girly giraffes have been sourced.

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Perhaps there's an on-line app for giraffe dates. If there isn’t, they’ve come to the right city. We’ve got great software programmers here, ready to build the ‘Tinder’ of dating apps for our tall, graceful guys. We could call it ‘Necker’.

Edinburgh Zoo is the right place for giraffes. There is something irredeemably ‘Corstorphine’ about a giraffe’s face.

Now, Corstorphine is a lovely wee village, but in the past it had a reputation as the place to see some serious pursed-lipped action over afternoon tea.

You can easily imagine giraffes turn those disdainful faces towards the racket coming from the monkey enclosures, like a pair of old-time Corstorphine matrons clocking a tantruming toddler in a tea shop.

If we do get lady giraffes, can we call them Margery and Joan?

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