Edinburgh's phantom roadworks menace has been causing mayhem in Glasgow too – Susan Morrison

Someone in Edinburgh is passionate about digging up roads.

Friday, 6th May 2022, 12:30 pm
Roadworks saw Susan Morrison ditch her plans for tea and head for the gin instead (Picture: Christopher Furlong/Getty Images)

Sometimes I wonder if it really is the council. It could be crazed young climate change activists creating traffic disruption on a colossal scale. Why glue yourself to one Range Rover Discovery when you can bring an entire city to a grinding halt?

They’re good at it, whoever they are. They’ve even targeted public transport. Yes, you can get a bus, but only if you find a bus stop. They mysteriously move. They sometimes vanish.

Someone, somewhere is probably proud of this ability to dig for chaos. So much so that I suspect this dark genius of traffic cones, high-vis jackets and diversion signs is now holding workshops teaching others how to unleash traffic hell on the heads of unsuspecting travellers.

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Tuesday night, heading home through Glasgow along the M8 at about 10.30 at night. Nice time to drive. Roads are quiet, but not the eerie emptiness of 2 in the morning. Dreaming about the cup of tea when I get home.

The M8 is closed at Junction 13. Not a problem, thinks I. Juke down and onto the M80, M9 and then home. Yes, I can motorway manspeak like a trucker.

The carefree bowling along is halted by a massive traffic jam, long before we get to J13. Finally, we reach the turnoff. The M80 is a carpark. We crawl for miles and miles until we find out why.

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They have also closed the M80.

In other words, they’ve closed two of the biggest motorways out of the City of Glasgow at the same time. They’re like two massive arteries, and like a lot of Scottish arteries, they were seriously blocked.

In addition, and I will excuse them this, the satnav went AWOL. I had no idea where I was. I found myself hurtling through the night trying to find Cumbernauld, which is something no-one should have to do.

Thoughts of tea had vanished. By the time I stumbled in, it was straight to the gin bottle.

Someone, somewhere has been taking lessons from Edinburgh roadworks planners, I tell you.