Heaven’s above, Russell Brand has been blessed to find religion - Vladimir McTavish

After the novelty of Russell Brand’s exotic play with language, his self-regard and misogyny were swiftly repelling

Indeed, I’d be willing to bet that “Oh my God” was the reaction of God himself.

Let’s face face it, the Almighty must have been hoping that the church had finally cleaned itself up after years of scandals involving wayward priests. The last thing He could have wanted was a serially accused celebrity alleged sex pest to have embraced the cause.

I wonder how many devout church-goers renounced their faith overnight on the revelation that this talentless narcissist has been welcomed into their flock.

If you have been living in a bubble for the last decade-or-so, he’s the guy who thought it would be a laugh to phone up eighty-year-old actor Andrew Sachs live on his radio show.

He left abusive messages on his answering machine, claiming to have had sex with his granddaughter. He is also under investigation after numerous claims of sexual harassment were made against him.

Having spent most of his professional life trying to ape the look of Jesus Christ, the Blessed Russell is now claiming to follow his teachings.

Forgive me for being just a little bit cynical, but could not not this be all to do with that number of pending police investigations into alleged sexual abuse?

I have never really seen the appeal of Christianity. Don’t get me wrong, I’m totally on board with its core message, namely “love thy neighbour as thyself”.

However, when Christ came up with that nugget of wisdom, he was obviously not living next door to Russell Brand at the time.

What put me off Christianity was having to go to Sunday school as a child. I’m very glad that I didn’t persevere with the faith.

Imagine how disillusioned I would feel now, all those decades later, to find out I had missed out on all those Sunday morning lie-ins to be part of a club that welcomes someone whose idea of humour is ranting foul abuse about old people’s granddaughters over the phone?

Anyway, it seems that our Russell has now seem the light and asked to be cleansed of his sins.

He was baptised in the Thames last week by Bear Grylls. As if this story could not get any more ridiculous, the Chief Scout shoved him under water in one of most highly-polluted stretches of river in Europe.

Given the levels of sewage currently being released by Thames Water, it is highly unlikely he will be cleansed of anything. As if Brand wasn’t toxic enough in the first place.

Perhaps that is where cynics like myself are missing the point. This could indeed show the depth of his commitment to his new-found faith. Christ may have died for our sins. Russell Brand is willing to contract e-Coli for them.

Personally, I found Russell Brand to be an obnoxious self-obsessed pain, in his previous incarnation, as a jack-the-lad alleged serial sex-pest, which he denies.

How would I describe my thoughts of his re-birth as a holier-than-thou God-botherer? Words fail me. Pass the sick bag now, for Christ’s sake.