How I missed my chance to be Henry Fonda at the High Court in Edinburgh – Vladimir McTavish

I should really, under different circumstances, have been in the High Court in Edinburgh today.

Vladimir McTavish will not be in this building today (Picture: Greg Macvean)

I would not have been in the dock, in case you are wondering. I would have been one of the “Ladies and Gentlemen of The Jury”, or “Persons of the Jury” as they now ought to be termed.

I have until now never been called up for jury service. It was always something I had been quite keen to do as part of my civic duty.

As an Edinburgh resident, I was excited by the prospect of sitting in the jury box at the High Court amidst all the pomp, colour and theatre of a trial by jury. Indeed, if truth be told, I had always fancied myself in the Henry Fonda role in 12 Angry Men. Yet the call never came.

A few weeks ago, I received a citation in the post, calling me up for jury service. So, before reading the small print, I had already begun practicing the lines I would deliver to my fellow jurors when we retired to consider our verdict.

Then I read the small print. I would not be required to attend the High Court, a mere 20-minute bus journey from home, but the Odeon Cinema at Fort Kinnaird at the backside of Portobello to attend remotely.

In other words, I would effectively be watching an episode of Crown Court on a big screen.

I then consulted my diary, only to find that on the date in question, I was due to be mid-way through a ten-day run of engagements in London and the south coast of England.

I phoned the helpline number on the citation where I spoke to a very helpful woman who said I may qualify for excusal due to my self-employed status, especially when I had suggested my profession may be unsuitable for a would-be juror.

When she asked what I did, I answered that I was a stand-up comedian who worked under the stage name of Vladimir McTavish. She replied “Oh, yes. I’ve seen you. You’re right, you’d be totally unsuitable, you’d just have sworn all the way through.” She was probably right on that one.

However, I do hope that the ends of justice are served in my absence.

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