If the flight from Mallorca isn’t easier I’ll need a holiday to recover - Vladimir McTavish

Palm Cathedral in Mallorca, begun by King James I of Aragon in 1229 but only finished in 1601

The first time my wife and I ever flew with Ryanair, our bags were nine kilograms too heavy, for which they were going to charge us nine pounds per kilo.

That was more than our seats had cost. In other words, it was cheaper to fly in the cabin than in the hold. Having since spent several flight in their cabins, I imagine that conditions inside the hold could well be much more comfortable.

This time we were much better prepared. Our hold luggage was only 20 grams over the limit, for which we were going to be charged twelve pounds.

So we took a couple of items out of the suitcase and put them into hand luggage, costing nothing. Yet the plane was still carrying the same weight. Crazy.

Heading into departures, we were faced with a huge queue at security. However, as a frequent flyer from Edinburgh airport, I am always impressed at how quickly and efficiently they are able to move huge numbers of passengers through.

Of course, it does help the queue move quickly if you take all your liquids and electronic devices out of your bags in advance.

This time around, the sheer number of people trying to pass though meant that the queues were building up to saturation point, and so we were sent onto the fast track aisle where they have installed one of the new state-of-the-art scanners where you keep everything in your hand luggage.

However, I had already taken everything out of my hand luggage, so I had to put it all back in again before loading my bag onto the conveyor belt.

That would have been fine, but the conveyor belt then ground to a halt midway through the scanner. Half a dozen airport staff appeared on the scene to stand scratching their heads in confusion.

After a wait of around ten to 15 minutes, some guy came along with a big pole which he stuck into the state-of-the-art scanner to haul out our bags.

Always reassuring to see futuristic technology being repaired using prehistoric methods.

We had been delayed so long in security that we had to go straight to our gate, where are plane was due to board.

We ended up spending over an hour waiting there while the previous flight was still boarding, only to be told that there was a gate change and we had to walk to a different part of the airport.

Once through the gate, we waited in a corridor for half-an-hour before they let us out onto the tarmac, where we hung around for a further 30 minutes looking at our plane.

A succession of blokes in high-vis went in and out of the aircraft until they finally opened the doors to a round of ironic applause.

Eventually, we finally took off two hours late. Hopefully the journey home is easier. Otherwise, I’m going to need a holiday to recover.