If you can’t stand the heat, avoid touching the induction hob - Susan Morrison

The recently fitted kitchen includes an induction hobThe recently fitted kitchen includes an induction hob
The recently fitted kitchen includes an induction hob
Sorry to keep going on about this, but the kitchen saga continues. I can’t find anything beyond coffee, cafetiere and toaster. That’s me just about fixed for life, when I find the bread.

Culinary catastrophe I may be, but I can manage boiled eggs, although I spent about ten minutes trying to find the lighter for the gas ring before I remembered that it’s An Induction Hob.

Yes, it always seems to be said with capital letters. Still not sure about this witchcraft. It doesn’t even change colour when it heats up. It's just this black rectangle with blinking lights.

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There's a flashing ‘H’. Apparently that means ‘HOT’. My husband, who is from Yorkshire and has therefore read all the manuals, says this is a clear warning not to put my hand on it to see if it is hot.

He said it in such a manner as to indicate that he thought I might, indeed, stick my hand on it to find out if it was hot. No idea where he got such a notion.

If, he continued, someone was to be so stupid as to slap their palm down on the shiny black surface, it would burn the skin right off her hand (note: ‘her’).

Then he said, it would take ages to clean the seared flesh off his shiny Induction Hob. Not one word about who would drive this mysterious and presumably screaming woman to the hospital.

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We have to paint the kitchen now. Just as I was starting to enjoy the faintly ‘Just Excavated from Pompeii’ look of the freshly plastered walls.

Even marriages as long and as successful as ours can become strained in the paint aisle of B&Q. There was a terse exchange over ‘Atlantic Swell’ and ‘Pearly Dawn’.

Not sure I can live with walls painted in colours that sound like the titles of black-and-white British war films.

Gordon Jackson usually appeared in them. His character always carked it about halfway through, usually to the strains of sentimental music in the background. Can’t handle that much heartbreak at breakfast.

It’ll all be over by Christmas, I’m told. Ha. Heard that before.

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