I’m living proof of why regular health checks are worthwhile - Susan Morrison

​Five years ago this week, the NHS de-bosomed me. They’d found breast cancer in my right boob. It'll have to come off, they said.

Ok, I said, whip them both off. Lordy, what larks that turned out to be.

Oh no, they said, no boobs? Not a good idea. For one thing, and I was actually told this, I might find it difficult to buy nice underwear.

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We were having a consultation about cancer, not my lingerie choices. You bet I was baffled.

Being a well-endowed lady it was clear to me that it wouldn’t be easy sourcing a boulder-holder capable of accommodating a little bump on one side and what in bird-spotting terms could be described as the Greater Walloping Tit on the other.

Honestly, I would have looked like a Dalek.

They insisted I go to see a psychologist, to make sure I had ‘coping strategies’ and could make this ‘difficult decision’.

Naff off, I said. My family love and support me and my friends listen to my worries, then buy me wine.

That was how I planned to cope. It was a great strategy.

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I’d made a decision. It wasn’t difficult. I wanted it respected.

What if I regret it, they asked? There are women out there who regret saying ‘I do’, no-one sends pre-wedding psychologists round to check they could make proper, grown-up decisions.

Save the mental health services for people who really need it.

Do I regret it? Not for one split second. A brief jog for the bus does not threaten my eyesight any more. I lift weights cleanly in the gym. I like the pretty little bralette things I can wear if I feel like it.

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And I am very, very grateful for the care I received and still receive.

Five years is a milestone. The breast cancer was probably caught in time, I think I can put it behind me. Just the bowel cancer now to keep a wary eye on.

So, good ladies of this city, check lady bumps for lumps and everyone - do those poo checks when they arrive.

Get it early. Get it sorted.

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