​Is there a mole inside Tory MP selection committees? - Susan Morrison

To use spy-world jargon, I am starting to suspect that grassroot Tory MP selection committees have been compromised.

Home Secretary James Cleverly.

​ So many of them seem to have carefully chosen their representative solely for the potential embarrassment factor of their names and future scandals. It’s almost Dickensian.

Mr Pincher seems to have been fond of a wee nip in more ways than one. He was accused of ‘groping’, but he was probably working up to a pinch. He admitted to having had ‘far too much to drink’. That can interfere with your motor skills.

There was Mr Hancock. Well, there still is, but Mrs Hancock exited the picture fairly swiftly when the bold Matt was filmed getting handsy with a lady behind closed doors. And yes, he really makes an effort to live up to the rest of his surname.

A staff member charged Mr Peter Bone with sexual misconduct. Oot the window with you, my lad, but the selection committee so enjoyed the joke they got his partner to stand instead. Presumably, though, they were slightly disappointed to find out her surname was Harrison. Can’t win ‘em all, I guess.

There’s Mr Skidmore, now, causing the very last thing little Mr Sunak wants, a by-election. He’s resigned from his seat over broken government promises on climate change. All very noble, but it does present a slippy moment, created by the man who was a minister for oil.

And finally we have James Cleverly. He does not strike me as a bright lad. He doesn’t even seem to be able to buy a shirt that fits around his neck.

At one single event Mr Cleverly managed to make a dreadful joke about using a date rape drug on his wife, then followed that zinger with his secret to a happy marriage. It’s apparently keeping his partner “mildly sedated so she can never realise there are better men out there.’ What slightly startled me about Dim Jim was his self-awareness for once. Yes, there are loads of much better men out there.

Well, even a stopped clock is right twice a day. But only twice.