​It would be knock-about fun if this wasn’t the party of government - Vladimir McTavish

​In Victorian times, a popular weekend pursuit was to visit mental asylums to laugh at the inmates. In the 21st century, a similar form of entertainment can be found by watching the Conservative Party Conference on the BBC News Channel.

Let there be no doubt, the lunatics have taken over the asylum. All very funny, until one realises that these nut-jobs are running the country.

Although Rishi Sunak speaks as if he thinks someone else is running the country, claiming to represent change. You’ve been in power for thirteen years, mate.

Under the banner of “Long Term Decisions For A Brighter Future”, minuscule Prime Minister Sunak managed to just peer over the top of his podium as he gave his keynote speech to the barking mad faithful.

“Making It Up As I’m Going Along To Save My Job” would have been a more accurate accurate slogan.

The most widely-publicised “Long Term Solution” was to cancel a previous “Long Term Solution”.

HST2 will no longer happen, so we will have to make do with HST1 for now. Or HST0 as it should more accurately be called

In other words, £33 billion will have been spent building a tunnel to take a high-speed train to Birmingham rather than connecting the whole of the UK, as was originally promised by the Tories when they first launched this London-centric vanity project.

So, instead of speeding passengers from the South to the North at Doctor Who speed, we shall have a rapid link from Euston to the Midlands of England where the the train will terminate, and everyone will have to jump onto more traditional forms of transport, such as a replacement bus service.

Or as it will doubtlessly be christened, the High-Speed Rail Replacement Bus Service.

This will allow The Treasury to free up billions of pounds which they intend to spend on more Short Term Decisions, such as mending potholes.

Mending these potholes will, of course, result in roadworks and long delays to the aforementioned High-Speed Bus Replacement.

And these are the ideas coming from the faction of the Tory Party who still hold the reins of power.

If you want full-on crazy, look no further than last year’s incumbent of 10 Downing Street.

As I predicted, Mad Queen Liz was hitting the fringe meetings and in the manner of the totally unhinged, ranting on about how she had been right all the time.

Is she really angling to get back into government so she can finish the job she started? God help us all if that’s the case.

None of wants to take a trip in The Tardis back to autumn 2022.

Also speaking to Planet Earth via video link from Cloud Cuckoo Land was The Fat Referee.

I’m guessing most of the delegates from the Tory Shires hadn’t a clue who was talking to them when Douglas Ross took to the stage.

He then went on to attempt to stop them nodding off by delivering some deranged delusional ramblings about SNP dissidents asking him for advice on opposing their own party.

Seriously? Surely even Fergus Ewing isn’t that desperate.

All knock-about fun, if this wasn’t the party of government. Just a Short Term Solution for a wet Wednesday afternoon’s entertainment.