It's a wonder new shadow cabinet didn’t spontaneously combust

Some of the shadow cabinet appointed by new Conservative Party leader Kemi Badenoch

The former president won by a landslide, despite the polls suggesting it would be a neck-and-neck contest. The reason for this is that the public lie to opinion polls.

Voting for politicians like Trump is like watching pornography. Very few people admit to doing it, but the figures show it’s quite a popular pursuit.

Conversely, on this side of The Pond, it’s no surprise to see the Tory Party membership electing a hate-fuelled right-wing crackpot as their leader. And quite amusing too, given that Kemi Badenoch stands next to no chance of ever actually becoming prime minister.

I’m not sure how seriously the new leader of the opposition herself was taking her job when she started announcing her shadow cabinet at the start of the week.

It’s widely thought she won’t be around by the next election and it seems she was thinking along the same lines, announcing a team that will ensure she goes down in flames.

Kemi is known for liking a bit of a scrap. It has been said of her that “she would start a fight in an empty room”. To which her response was probably “No, I f***ing wouldn’t. Who are you looking at? Want to take this outside?”

It came as little surprise that one of her first appointments was that pint-sized ball of toxic energy Priti Patel, as shadow foreign secretary. She is like a miniature version of Badenoch, permanently spoiling for a fight.

They are like a pair of Russian dolls, or more accurately Russian pit-bull terriers. Patel, when home secretary under Boris Johnson, was the the subject of numerous complaints of bullying. She’s also the person who first thought up the bonkers Rwanda theme.

She’s now in charge of her party’s foreign policy. Thankfully she’s only the opposition, so she doesn’t really count. God help us were she ever to actually become the real foreign secretary

If that wasn’t incendiary enough, the new shadow justice secretary is Robert Jenrick, who wants to take Britain out of the European Commission for Human Rights. He was runner-up to Badenoch in the leadership election, and he hates the new party leader nearly as much as she obviously loathes him.

So, it’s clear that the Tories under Kemi intend to take the fight to the government, unless they start flighting amongst themselves, which is a distinct possibility given the number of explosive personalities involved.

Anyway, I suspect the only person for whom this is good news is Keir Starmer, who now has a free hit at being the prime minister. No matter how bad a fist he makes of it, he’s never going to lose the next election against this shower of unelectables.

Appropriately, Badenoch put the finishing touches to her shadow cabinet on November 5. It’s a wonder they didn’t spontaneously combust just in time for Bonfire Night. Expect more sparks over the next weeks and months.

Light the blue touch paper and step away from the flame. Compared to this bunch, Trump looks positively liberal and statesmanlike.