It’s so difficult to get decent domestic servants these days - Susan Morrison

Sir, I have recently returned from a cruise aboard an extraordinarily well managed and catered ship.

Breakfast standards have slipped since my return home from cruising

This morning I was startled to come downstairs from my stateroom (well, to be honest, it's actually our bedroom, but sometimes it is in a bit of a state) to have breakfast and discovered that there was no buffet available.

Granted, I was offered two slices of toast, but there was no choice. It was wholemeal or nothing.

There was a croissant, but it had sailed past the Best Before Date around about the time the last stitches were put into the Bayeux Tapestry.

Coffee was available, but I had to sit and wait for it to be poured by a member of staff who clearly missed the memo on how to be bright and breezy at breakfast.

His attitude can only be described as ‘grumpy’, a shocking departure from the universally polite and cheery service to which I have become accustomed.

My hearty ‘good morning’ was greeted with a slightly startled expression and a mumbled ‘well, if you say so’.

It could be a cultural clash, of course. I believe the waiter comes from Yorkshire, where cheeriness in the morning is regarded as pointless frippery and frowned upon.

They aren’t too keen on fun in the afternoon, either. Or the evenings, come to that.

Having offered toast and poured the coffee, he clearly felt his responsibilities to me were at an end, leaving him free to shuffle about the kitchen area.

He had a far more animated conversation with a black cat than with me.

I understand the cat is also regarded as a member of the crew, and in keeping with the lax standard of hospitality, she also ignored me. She turned her back and walked away with her tail in the air, making sure I could see her bahookie, a sight that could fair put you off a bagel.

The dress code of the catering stewards appears to have fallen dramatically. This crew member was cledarly not in the usual smart uniform of white shift, neatly pressed trousers, waistcoat and name badge.

This one appeared to be still in his pyjamas, and let me tell you, those trousers have seen better days.

There is no doubt in my mind that these two crew members mean well. I assume that all of this can be addressed through improved staff training.

I myself have begun this process, and have raised the issues of breakfast choice and uniform standards.

Admittedly I have had only partial success so far. We now have two types of bread for toast, but the line was drawn quite firmly over the wearing of a waistcoat.

The cat in particular was not impressed by the idea of a name badge with “Gertie - Happy to Help You” on it. Well, she and I both know that’s a lie.

Undaunted, I shall persevere in my efforts to raise the standards aboard this good ship ‘Our House’. It could just be that I’ve been spoiled rotten for the last few days and I have to get used to making my own coffee and toast.

Mind you, those waistcoats were very smart . . .