John Gibson: Now here’s something to chew on

Jaws. Welcome news for dieters must be a nightmare for street-sweepers. Gum that releases a hormone to make you feel full should be available in a couple of years.

Something along the lines of the gum that curbs the craving among smokers for nicotine. Scientists in the States and Australian are working on it.

Are the tobacco companies best pleased? Did the scientists receive something in the post from Santa? Did it tick?

C’mon now, chaps. Spit it out.

Steady on, Eddie

Do you want the good news first or the good news again? Ed Miliband didn’t make it. He was a loser in The World’s Strongest Man finals, compelling, if comedic, television.

But Call me Ed, aged 42, has been putting it about over the festive break. Too much information, maybe.

“I wouldn’t designate me as sexy,” he’s bleating. “I think it’s for other people to make that judgment. I definitely wouldn’t consider myself a sexy bloke.’’ Neither would we.

He’s convinced he can become PM. “I’m the guy who doesn’t promise the Earth, who’s going to say it’s hard but I’m on your side.’’

Yip, you’re going to be a real good guy, Ed. The answer to our prayers. “I think my worst habit is excessive seriousness,’’ he rants on. That’s only one of them, Ed.

“I’m not going into this business because people say ‘ooh, he’s good on the telly’.” But hang on, Ed, you’re a wash-out on the telly. They’ve been having you on.

Prime Minister? No chance, my son. Not a snowball’s.

Afterwords . .

Now it can be revealed. The wheelie bin seen on TV careering down Leith Walk at the peak of Tuesday’s gale (now a massive YouTube hit round the world) contained two stowaways. You’ve guessed . . . the anything-for-a-laugh Krankies.