John Gibson: Take home a Pointless prize. Wow!

Fodder for the gormless, The clueless. Kids’ stuff fronted by a couple of irksomely smug smartypants unashamedly putting their names to a show robbing school leavers of a job.

Alexander Armstrong and Richard Osman record three shows a day. Pity the studio audience. Armstrong puts it perfectly: “There’s a lot to be said for boredom.’’ He should know.

Real vote loser

Tiresome tittle-tattle. A Lib Dem candidate, rubbing his hands as he anticipates Edinburgh’s May elections, asks me: “Are there any pavement and street repairs needed locally?’’ Yes, we’ve lost count. “Where?’’ Everywhere.

I would take you by the hand to where urgent remedial repairs are required but, my man, you’re not going to make any difference. The patchwork is laughable.

We’ve seen it all, heard it all, from the Lib Dems, the SNP, the Tories, Labour. The whole damn caboodle. Promising the Earth when an election’s looming, then they skedaddle with the voting over. Tedious.

Turn it off, Tom

“This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done,” mopes Tom Jones of his latest television exposure in The Voice UK, in his role of judge.

Waffle. Just get on with it, Sir Tom. You’re being paid good money. For you it’s a breeze but folk have to be reminded you’re still on the planet.

Still married after 55 years. Chris Rea would rate that the road to hell.