John Gibson: We ask you, wot’s all this ear?

Man bites dog. You must think I’m having you on. But it’s true. The man, a 23-year-old kennelled in Mansfield Notts, in a temper bit off part of his pet’s ear.

Perhaps the law’s making an ass of itself again. Shouldn’t he be put down and not the dog? His punishment? A suspended prison sentence and a ten-year ban on keeping animals.

He volunteered a hospital check on his mental health. The dog was a Staffordshire bull terrier. Obviously he desperately needed his head examined.

Wheel be next

L’il ole scaremonger, me. Supposing, just supposing, one of the pods on the big wheel close to over-hanging Princes Street Gardens fell off. An accident waiting to happen? How pathetic the net “safeguarding” pedestrians below. My granny used a stronger net to strain the veg for our broth.

Edinburgh city councillors should take a good gander next time they’re passing. In the event of such a catastrophe – and God forbid – the Capital could be sued for fortunes.

Hacked off

Only a matter of time until Boris Johnson burrowed into this column. Here blustering Boris is yapping about my lot. “You can’t ‘strike journalists off’ as if they were accountants or lawyers or gynaecologists. They aren’t a profession, they are a great pulsating rabble of people. Anyone can be a journalist. You just have to start a blog, break a few stories and, bingo, you are a household name.”

That’s what I’ve kept saying to folk. It’s like falling off a log. Dead easy. Money for old rope.