Masterclass in the international language of bus etiquette - Susan Morrison

Talking of children - that’s how we used to start conversations at bus stops

‘Jings, hen, it’s anyone's guess’, I said, but I checked the phone app. Which was useless.

We had a bit of a blether. She was Chinese, but she’d lived in Leith for a long time. And that’s how we used to start conversations at bus stops, children.

A very glamorous young couple joined us a few minutes later. Well, I say ‘joined’ but they only had eyes for each other, and no wonder. Who would look at a wizened old bat like me beside such a beautiful young woman?

From the bags of Harry Potter swag they carried I guessed they were tourists. Also Chinese, I was to discover.

There was a lot of sniggering, snogging and stroking.My new friend did not approve of the ongoing public displays of affection. To be honest, neither did I.

We bonded, silently, revelling in a bit of eye-rolling and exasperated sighing. She went in for a bit of tutting. I answered with a weary nod.

The bus arrived and our two loved-up youngsters immediately walked in front of us to get aboard. What happened next was like watching a Marvel hero take down the bad guy.

The tiny woman unleashed a furious volley using language that they not only understood, they totally feared. They sprang apart and stood with heads slightly bowed. “Just rude”, she finished, in English.

Admonished, they politely stood to one side and we boarded like queens.The young couple got on behind us and she smiled at them. They gave shy smiles back, like children who had just been totally ticked off.

It was like watching a masterclass, and I am Scot who remembers getting pelters hollered from tenement windows just for thinking about doing something slightly dodgy.

Seriously, the next time we face an international crisis, and lord knows, we might soon, let's send in a load of tiny women with a bit of a temper and a talent for ticking-off.