Never mind Phillip Schofield, I’m still worried about Gordon the Gopher - Susan Morrison

Susan Morrison hasn’t kept up with the career of Schofield (Phillip). Picture: BBC

Even though Paul Schofield left us in 2008, I remain a huge fan, so you can imagine my confusion recently as his name was chucked all over the shop, laced with the sort of foamy-mouthed fury usually reserved for ex-supermodels who’ve put on a bit of weight.

Of course, it wasn’t him. It was the other one. Phillip. Now, I haven’t kept up with this Schofield, not since his years on kids TV. My immediate thought was that he had murdered Gordon the Gopher.

Then Eamonn Holmes waded into the debate with an interview that painted Mr Schofield as a grumpy rage fuelled Trump-standard narcissist, universally loathed by just about everyone on television. Projection, Mr Holmes?

He was one step away from claiming that Gordon the Gopher really had been brutally dispatched by his erstwhile co-presenter to sleep with the fishes.

Things got very overheated. They wheeled out the nice young lady who sat beside him on the sofa to reassure us all. She started by asking how everyone was coping in that soothing voice professionals use to bystanders who have seen a car accident. Or watched me cooking.

She had to reassure us because the nation is hurt, bewildered and angry. Apparently. I’m just baffled. I’m not sure exactly what he has done. There is jiggery-pokery alleged with a young person, but we haven’t heard his side of that story yet.

So, despite young Holly’s anxious inquiry after my well-being, I think I’m ok with not knowing too much. I'm not even shaken. Or stirred.

In the real world, the cost of living is sky-rocketing, people are struggling and the food banks have never been busier.

So, thanks for the question, Holly, but I think the nation can safely say it can survive the horror of Schofield (Phillip). Mind you, I am still worried about Gordon.