Nothin’ like a dame for me, Brad

Off yer bike, Wiggy! We had an entirely different impression of Bradley Wiggins when we saw him spilling out of a nightclub in London guttered, eyes no quite focussing as they should.

Granted, he was celebrating winning Sports Personality of the Year. But hardly an example to set to aspiring sportsmen and women, to impressionable youngsters.

What makes a mockery of the UK’s shambolic honours cistern is that they want to bestow a knighthood on him. Sir Bradley? What must Queenie and Phil be saying between themselves of our tricky cyclist?

I’m speaking for the majority when I say we’d much prefer to have seen Jessica Ennis as an ambassador for British sports. Jessica knows how to behave, how to dress and how not to scandalise British sport.

Jessica for Dame. And I swear looks have nowt to do with it.

Hugh done it

Actor or wannabe full-time politician? While he campaigns for tougher press regulation, what can be said of Hugh Grant, below, for sure, is that he is a persistent attention-seeker.

An not a particularly endearing one up close, London sources assure me. We have prats in profusion in the Commons as it is. By the way, join me in wishing our MPs all the seasonal best as they wallow in their 25-day festive jolly.