Onboard stag dos are enough to make you turn to drink - Susan Morrison

The idea of being stuck in a tin tube 35,000 feet in the air while a couple of drunks sing ‘Sweet Caroline’ is pretty horrific. Especially if they’re meant to be actually flying the plane.

A couple of choruses of Neil Diamond can be the least of it. I’ve become weirdly addicted to watching footage of people so blootered they have to be thrown off the flight, while it's on the ground, obviously.

Mind you, even with planes still mid-air there’s probably enough disgruntled passengers who’d vote ‘yes’ if the pilot proposed a swift dive n’drop over the Med for some seriously anti-social characters.

Mid-air drunk-dumping is generally frowned upon by the aviation authorities, so planes sometimes have to be diverted. It happens to Ryanair alone about once a day.

Must admit, the idea of a pint or a cheeky wee chardonnay with a full Scottish breakfast makes me feel a tad queasy and baffled. It's always astonishing to me that folk have boozing money left after paying for airport parking.

Oh, I see the drop-off charges are rising again. Pretty soon they might have to consider installing a net along the front of the terminal so we can just ping out our travellers and luggage. Bet it wouldn’t take long for them to start a Drive-By charge as well.

But for those with pennies in their pockets and a holiday on the horizon, why not have a bevvy at breakfast, if that’s your cup of tea? It seems unfair to punish the folks who can behave just because Dave’s stag-do can’t.

Don’t think I’m picking on the blokes here. Women can also seriously overestimate their ability to handle that bucket of prosecco. It always seems to be the rule breakers who set the rules.

Mr O’Leary, incidentally, isn’t suggesting that any restriction be applied to booze sold onboard his flights, where you can merrily, and expensively, down a G’n’T at any time.

Well, the sun must be over the yardarm somewhere, I suppose.