Our tram conductors are proving fine ambassadors for the city - Susan Morrison
The tram was packed. The conductor shoved his way towards me. He glanced at my pass, looked up and said “Cruise ship”
“Aircraft carrier!” I shouted back. Ship classification word association is one of my favourite games. Hardly ever get the chance to play it.
Most people dry after ‘Harbour Tug’, but I can usually batter on well past ‘Bronze Age Coracle’. Imagine my joy at a sudden impromptu challenge.
“No”, he said, in a mildly baffled manner. “Cruise ship. In the docks”.
He looked back. “Tourists. Thousands of them”. He very much reminded me of Colour-Sergeant Bourne, as played by the redoubtable Nigel Green, famously reporting back to a strangely foppish Michael Caine in the film ‘Zulu’.
Nigel says almost exactly the same thing. Obviously, we substitute the word ‘tourist’ for ‘Zulu’, but it has to be said the tram conductor had almost exactly the same ‘here we go’ look in his eyes.
There were indeed thousands and all of them seemed to be on the tram. I’ve been catching trams uptown and then home again throughout the Fringe. It's been rammed morning and night. It's like a sort of moving United Nations.
In fact, I’m starting to wonder if our global visitors ever leave the tram. Are there now tourists who leave the safety of the decks to just ride the rails around the city? Must be said, It is a nice wee hurl and very comfortable; if you manage to get a seat, you'll be well looked after.
Every day, without fail, I’ve watched the conductors check and explain the tickets, sort out luggage stashing options for passengers who cannot go on holiday without bringing their entire earthly belongings with them and answer endless questions.
I can usually hear the replies. The gun goes off at One O’clock. Yes, Edinburgh is very hilly, and no, the tram does not go up to the Castle, although I’m willing to bet some smart Alec is trying to work out just how to do that.
The tram staff are doing a magnificent job of being ambassadors to the city. Thank you.