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Tomorrow is the day when I say goodbye to my 60s and become a septuagenarian. Apart from the normal aches and pains, I have developed a couple of conditions which are usually associated with people of advancing years. The main one is that the cartilage on both my knees is between wafer-thin to non-existent.

When I attended an appointment at my local doctor’s surgery, he had a good look at the x-rays of the affected area and, after prescribing some painkillers, he told me that he would refer me to a surgeon and place me on a waiting list for surgery. I am expecting a long wait.

A friend of mine had a similar problem but decided to “go private” as the pain was becoming unbearable and he needed immediate relief. Suffice to say that he is recovering a lot quicker than his bank account which was lighter by £16,000 after he had one knee operated on.

I am reliably informed that the best way to deal with the ageing process is to approach it with a sense of humour. One website offers the advice that “ageing isn’t always the most fun thing in the world, but it sure can be funny, if you approach it with a light-hearted attitude. In fact, joking about getting older – and the assorted health and life problems that come with it – can take some of the sting out of ageing. Plus, science shows that laughing is good for your health and well-being, so having an arsenal of old-people jokes in your back pocket is a win-win.” So, with that in mind, I decided to poke fun at my own expense and hereby highlight a few jokes about getting older.

I told the doctor that I was becoming hard of hearing. He asked me to describe the symptoms. I said: “Sure, Homer is a rotund balding man in his 30s, his wife Marge has tall purple hair, and they have three kids, Bart, Lisa and Maggie.”
What do you call someone who enjoys Mondays? Retired.
Retirement is what happens between doctor’s appointments.
Old age is a heck of a lot better than the alternative.
I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
You know you’re getting old when… you try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks only to discover that you’re not wearing any.

So, I fully intend to celebrate tomorrow when a visit to my usual licensed haunts and a dinner reservation will be the order of the day. I’m looking forward to meeting up with quite a few of my friends when I will no doubt be the butt of a few wisecracks – and not the kind that can be printed in a family newspaper. However, I’ll take it on the chin and be thankful that I have reached the age that I have and raise a glass or two. After all, wine improves with age, but I improve with wine!

Paying £16,000 for a knee operation rather than wait for NHS is no joke. But we've still got laugh about getting older – Steve Cardownie