Paying £16,000 for a knee operation rather than wait for NHS is no joke. But we've still got laugh about getting older – Steve Cardownie

‘Ageing isn’t always the most fun thing in the world, but it sure can be funny’

Tomorrow is the day when I say goodbye to my 60s and become a septuagenarian. Apart from the normal aches and pains, I have developed a couple of conditions which are usually associated with people of advancing years. The main one is that the cartilage on both my knees is between wafer-thin to non-existent.

When I attended an appointment at my local doctor’s surgery, he had a good look at the x-rays of the affected area and, after prescribing some painkillers, he told me that he would refer me to a surgeon and place me on a waiting list for surgery. I am expecting a long wait.

A friend of mine had a similar problem but decided to “go private” as the pain was becoming unbearable and he needed immediate relief. Suffice to say that he is recovering a lot quicker than his bank account which was lighter by £16,000 after he had one knee operated on.

I am reliably informed that the best way to deal with the ageing process is to approach it with a sense of humour. One website offers the advice that “ageing isn’t always the most fun thing in the world, but it sure can be funny, if you approach it with a light-hearted attitude. In fact, joking about getting older – and the assorted health and life problems that come with it – can take some of the sting out of ageing. Plus, science shows that laughing is good for your health and well-being, so having an arsenal of old-people jokes in your back pocket is a win-win.” So, with that in mind, I decided to poke fun at my own expense and hereby highlight a few jokes about getting older.

• I told the doctor that I was becoming hard of hearing. He asked me to describe the symptoms. I said: “Sure, Homer is a rotund balding man in his 30s, his wife Marge has tall purple hair, and they have three kids, Bart, Lisa and Maggie.”
• What do you call someone who enjoys Mondays? Retired.
• Retirement is what happens between doctor’s appointments.
• Old age is a heck of a lot better than the alternative.
• I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
• You know you’re getting old when… you try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks only to discover that you’re not wearing any.

So, I fully intend to celebrate tomorrow when a visit to my usual licensed haunts and a dinner reservation will be the order of the day. I’m looking forward to meeting up with quite a few of my friends when I will no doubt be the butt of a few wisecracks – and not the kind that can be printed in a family newspaper. However, I’ll take it on the chin and be thankful that I have reached the age that I have and raise a glass or two. After all, wine improves with age, but I improve with wine!