Plenty of contenders for April Fools of the year, unfortunately - Vladimir McTavish

A controversial billboard in the town of Broadstairs, Kent, displayed a message for billionaire Elon Musk

There were stories suggesting Nicola Sturgeon is about to embark on a singing career in a double-act with Annie Lennox, and that a musical nappy had been invented to alert parents to their child’s bowel movements.

Elsewhere, there was a story about a self-driving mobile toilet that could be ordered on an app being developed by Hyundai and of Edinburgh Castle being sponsored by LinkedIn.

All good, clean, harmless fun, far-fetched yet plausible enough to be true. Then, I turned the page to international news and read of the latest initiative being taken by the current US government. I immediately assumed that to be a hoax too.

But then, the very idea that Elon Musk is at the heart of the administration would have been the subject of an April Fools spoof this time last year.

Since taking office in January, Donald Trump has been waging his “war on woke”. This involves removing words such as “inclusive”. “diverse” and “gay” from all official government documents.

Hence, a recent job advertisement for a civil service post had originally stated that the successful candidate would be “working alongside an inclusive, diverse team”. This had to be re-written, so now reads “you will be working alongside a team”. Similarly, the warplane that dropped the H-bomb on Hiroshima has now been written out of official history. Because its name was Enola Gay. Surely not?

You literally could not make this stuff up. This is what happens when morons attempt to stage a cultural revolution. Ironically the current US government is the living embodiment of inclusivity, in that a morbidly-obese, mentally-challenged septuagenarian is able to hold the highest office in the land

Back to April Fools’ Day, a fellow comedian posted a wonderful spoof on his social media, claiming that the President’s son Baron Trump had been signed up for this year’s pantomime in Aberdeen, playing the evil baron who is constantly farting.

This made me imagine Donald Trump himself playing the dame in panto. Looking very much like French fascist leader and number one Putin fan Marine Le Pen.

The leader of France’s “National Assembly” was this week barred from standing for public office for five years, after being found guilty of embezzling EU funds to finance her election campaign.

The only positive thing one can find to say about this odious woman is she is not quite as disgusting as her revolting late father Jean-Marie Le Pen, the founder of France’s Front National.

Predictably, everyone on Europe’s far right rent-a-quote mob were were out banging the drum in her support. Including Nigel Farage, who as well as being this country’s number one Putin fan and milk-shake target is the largest shareholder in Reform UK, while still drawing a pension from the European Parliament. In other words, Le Pen with better accountants. Pass me another milk shake, please.

I’m surely not alone in wishing these people would only ever appear in the news on April Fools’ Day.