Republic of Leith abuzz with talk of tram tests and being able to walk the Walk in peace again – Susan Morrison

We hold our breath in the Republic.

Rumours run riot around the Shore that The Walk will reopen soon. Buses will once again sail majestically up town and back, instead of veering off into parts unknown around MacDonald Road. A route change that on one occasion hurled a hoolie of office Christmas party lassies into utter pandemonium.

There was a turn off Leith Walk, a shriek of "Wur oan the wrang bus!” and cue the sound of half a dozen pairs of high heels hammering down the stars of the Number 7. Fortunately, the driver calmed their fears.

Quite how Lothian Bus drivers didn’t turn into psychopathic maniacs during the nightmare re-routing of the Tram Years is anyone's guess. Perhaps they did yoga.

The trams are due to be tested. Good, we’ve been sore tested down here for years. On the plus side, navigating those sudden sneaky changes in cone positioning meant Leith car drivers developed some world-class rally skills. We’ve become global slalom champions, which is handy if we ever want to downhill ski in a Renault Twingo.

We’ll have pavements again, instead of rat runs between buildings and fencing. It’s hard to stroll the boulevards when you’re channelled into a single-file system behind three heavy smokers and a guy reeking of weed.

We can take the time to admire the street furniture. They look suspiciously like the sort of thing they put on beaches during the Second World War to stop any Nazi invasion, but apparently they are planters, or as we know them in Leith, giant ashtrays.

It’s not quite finished yet. A few delays have crept into things, partly caused by the pandemic, Brexit slowed the work down, and, rather surprisingly, it would appear that Mr Putin's nasty war has also created some minor delay to the finishing touches.

Leith Walk has been affected by work to build a tram line for some time (Picture: Lisa Ferguson)

Right. That’s it. It’s one thing to pick on gallant Ukraine, Vlad. Now you’ve got Leith mad at you, and that should keep you awake at night. Don’t even think about trying to invade us, we’ve got the tank traps to stop you. Or as some might call them, planters.