Scottish weather puts a dampener on Fringe walking tours - Susan Morrison

Rain has been causing havoc across Scotland

Well, venues have been infamously hot during past torrid Augusts.

Quite frankly, my dear, at my age I can barely tolerate indoor temperatures higher than lukewarm milk. I carry a fan and I’m not afraid to use it. One stuffy room and I’m the original hot mess.

So, I thought, let’s have a walk and have a laugh. Learn a bit of filthy history and get your step count up. Why, it’s practically a public service.

Well, yes, but only if the audience isn’t battling exposure. I’m looking anxiously at the long term weather forecasts wondering if I should invest in ponchos and wellies. Indoor venues are looking far more attractive by the day.

Apparently warmer air is being blocked by the Jet Stream, that massive current of air that swirls above us.

It seems to have gone full-on Reform UK and is refusing to allow the heat from Southern Europe up to Scotland.

It’s not just blocking balmy Mediterranean breezes. The rain in Spain does not fall on the plain. It’s been causing havoc here for Scotrail and Traffic Scotland.

We had a month’s worth in 24 hours. Sean Batty said it so it must be true.

Ne’er cast a cloot till May is oot they say, but now its cagoules firmly on all year. Dangerous, if they turn up the heating on Lothian Buses, you’ve got two decks of boil-in-the-bag people right there.

Mind you, on the upside, we’ve seen Scottish men treating us during “taps aff” weather. I for one can live without the boney chests and the bulging bellies on display, sometimes, weirdly on the same bloke.

Well, as we say in Scotland, there is no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothes. Might get myself one of those big golfing brollies.

Trouble is, we’ve had some really windy weather. One big blaw and I could end up in Fife.