Semmits on, and let’s take a cosy, sit-down tour of Edinburgh’s sometimes shady past – Susan Morrison

Well, that cold weather front arrived with a bang.

Winter isn't coming, it's arrived! (Picture: Peter Summers/Getty Images)

It's not that long ago that we were lurching about the place unzippping our fleeces and pulling off the trusty winter gloves, sweltering under an unexpected December heatwave – but, oh boy, the semmits are well and truly on now.

We shouldn’t be that surprised, after all the weather system of our motherland is permanently set to menopause mode. We’ve seen snow in May.

We always know the weather is getting serious. Judith Ralston, Queen of BBC Weather, dons an especially constricting frock and sets her expression to concern. Combined with her upmarket specs, she resembles the particularly strict headmistress of a very exclusive boys school.

This could explain why so many Scottish men – particularly those who wear chinos and cut about places like Stockbridge and Edinburgh’s West End – have an exceptionally detailed knowledge of isobars and chilly fronts moving in from Norway.

The weather outside is frightful indeed, and thanks to the rapacious nature of the energy suppliers, coupled with a government that has redefined zombie, it’s equally hard to keep toasty indoors too.

There’s plenty of advice on how to keep warm. Everyone from the banks to the BBC seems to be pumping out energy cost-cutting advice, most of which seems to involve wrapping yourself up in blankets. Why don’t they just give out blankets? British Gas made £1.34 billion in profits at the beginning of this year. Heck, for that amount, they could shell out for those blankets with the sleeves in them. Or charge less for their product.

Now, that all being said, how about a cosy Christmas treat? Come and join me at The Stand Comedy Club this Sunday for an hour at 5.30pm. It’s for a sit-down, – there’s no walking – history tour of our currently frozen city.

Yes, this is all a nakedly obvious punt for the show I’m doing, where I take you through some of the maddest history on offer. It’s all about pirates, pan drops and seriously strange gentlemen’s clubs. Come on down and let's make merry together!