Susan Morrison: Trump’s Greenland real estate pitch is educational
Not surprised Trump thinks he can buy a whole country. After all, he is the president of the United States with oodles of cash to splash, particularly once he’s got rid of whole government departments, like education.
Well, who needs kids who’ve learned how to read and write good, eh? Certainly not the Silicon Valley tech bros. They don’t need home-grown smart folk. They just get people from countries that do educate their kids. Luxembourg looks like a good bet. Top of the league table for spaffing dosh on schools. Not very big, Luxembourg, but clearly a bunch of clever people. President Trump might consider putting a bid in.
How do you actually buy a country, anyway? I’ve never seen a listing for one, not even on Amazon. In centuries gone by it wasn’t such a problem. People just helped themselves to other bits of the world. Looking at you, British Empire. Of course, today land grabs are considered frightfully rude. Looking at you, Mr Putin.
Purchasing, that’s the American way. Bung it on the credit card. They’ve done it before. They bought Louisiana off the French back in 1803 and Alaska from the Russians in 1867.
Do you get to view? Is there some sort of international estate agent to take Mr Trump on a tour of the prospective purchase, helpfully pointing out useful amenities with that breezy manner they always have? Explaining that, yes, this is the capital, it's called Nuuk, and the Qernertunnguit neighborhood is the Beverly Hills of the city, offering splendid views over the Nuup Kangerlua fjord towards Quassussuup Tungaa, and you really must see the view from the top the highest mountain in the Arctic, Gunnbjørn Fjeld.
Telling you here and now, if Trump buys Greenland, it's not just the name of the Gulf of Mexico he’ll be changing.
Of course he’s not going to buy it. I imagine the Greenlanders are quite happy living in a country with publicly managed healthcare, education and Nordic Model welfare
Still, if Donnie really does need to know how to buy a country, he can always ask his mate Elon. He just bought America.