Susan Morrison: Users prefer the Western General CT scan suite – but not their cocktails


She assured my mother that she was fairly certain that I was clever, it's just that even a seagull passing the window was enough to distract me from the joys of irregular fractions.
I like to think that eleven-year-old me was smart enough to know that knowledge of irregular fractions would not be required by me as a grown-up, whereas observation of seagull behaviour to prevent chip theft would be a crucial life-skill for adult Susan.
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Hide AdI never really thought of this ability to be distracted as a benefit before, but it's weirdly handy when you’ve just had a scan to find out if the cancer beast has raised its ugly head anywhere.
The day before Hogmanay I spent a happy hour or two in my favourite CT scan suite, up at the Western General. Other imaging suites are available.
The one at the Royal is undeniably tip-top and shiny, and very much the young, muscular, funky contender for ‘Imaging Suite of the Year’, but for my money, it's the Western’s worn lino and those seats that make a farting noise when you sit in them every time.
They had cracked out the hospitality. Well, the diluting juice at any rate. It helps with the contrast dye you have to swill down, which, being a medical thing, will not taste good.
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Hide AdThe nice lady brought me what I felt was an unnecessarily large jug of the stuff, but told me there was diluting juice to ‘help’ with the flavour. Top tip, it doesn’t. The contrast tastes like iodine.
No cocktail ingredient list in the world includes ‘iodine’, so if a hefty whack of booze wouldn’t disguise the taste, then neither will a slug of ‘Lemon Flavoured Concentrate’.
At least now we get to drink it in the waiting room. Prior to this, they sent the contrast to my house, told me to drink it an hour before the scan, and then get to the hospital.
Seriously? That amount of fluid, my bladder and Edinburgh’s potholes? A dangerous combination. Presumably the staff started a sweepstake to see who’d guess which toilet I’d race to upon arrival at the hospital.
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Hide AdWorst ever Hogmanay dram downed, I had my scan, and wished the staff a Happy New Year.
They cheerily called out for a good 2025 for me. And the howler monkeys of anxiety started up in my head. Would it be? I know some for whom this new year will hold terrible challenges.
Sometimes the anxiety can be nearly overwhelming. What if they find something?
Terrible scenarios swirl around my head, worries about difficult conversations, failing treatments, and whether or not my husband will remember to serve vegan sausage rolls at the post-funeral buffet? You have to, these days, don’t you?
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Hide AdThen my vision will clear, and my butterfly brain will kick in. I will see that I am in John Lewis. Oh, those cushions look nice. I’ll wander over and tug a tassel. For a minute or two the soundtrack of anxiety will fade.
And the anxiety can do for one for now. The lovely Lesley gave me the results and a hug last week. She called my scan ‘wonderful’ and gave me another all-clear.
Mind you, those cushions were nice.
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