Thank you for flying temperance class on John Knox Airways - Susan Morrison

Yes, those were your bags you saw being loaded as you waited to get onto the aircraft. Fascinating to watch, wasn’t it? And nice to get some fresh air before the flight. With a light misting of rain.

Thank you for choosing to fly with us today. Mind you, your choice is pretty limited out of this airport. But still, it's nice you chose us, especially since the cost of your flight today is roughly equivalent to a return flight to New York. Eyewatering, isn’t it? And you don’t even get to cross a time zone.

Our inflight entertainment today will be reading the emergency instruction sheet in the pocket in front of you. It’s where you usually find one of those glossy magazines airlines produce. We don’t do that. Nothing more than advertising for frivolities. We like to think our passengers will use this time to reflect or read an improving book.

Our cabin crew will be with you shortly with our complimentary in-flight catering, or, as we like to call it, ‘You’ll have had your tea?’

There will indeed be tea or coffee. You will be offered a shortbread finger. We might run to a tea cake. The mention of Diet Coke will be treated with a pursed lip and a sorrowful shake of the head. What’s that? Orange juice? Away, man, you’ll not develop scurvy on a flight that lasts just over an hour and half. Have some water.

There will be no bevvy. Make no mistake, this airline takes to the skies dry. Our competitors operate trolleys of booze to buy, thereby generating a nice wee income stream, but we scorn the demon drink. It shall not be served. And don’t you even think about getting a sneaky wee gin-in-a-tin. It is banned. Check the T&Cs. You’re flying Temperance Class and don’t you forget it.

Ah, the seat belt sign is on, so sit back and dream of shortbread. Thank you once again for flying John Knox Airways, Scotland’s national airline.