The God of Thunder outperformed our city’s own Festival light display – Susan Morrison

Looks like Mother Nature decided to wait until the Fringe was cancelled before debuting her own show, and I must admit, what a spectacular thunder and lightning number that was.

If Chris Hemsworth’s Thor had landed in Susan’s back garden this week’s pyrotechnics would have been curtailed

Could have been old-fashioned pique, though. She spotted the ‘lights in the sky’ display we had instead of the Festival and thought, I’ll show them what overhead illumination looks like. With a brass section to match.

It was positively Hammer House of Horror. Ah, those great days of technicolour gore, when sound-effect thunder shook plasterboard walls and sudden flashes of off-stage light revealed a fanged Christopher Lee poised to bite a screaming buxom blonde.

Terrified peasant girl she may have been, she still managed to sport a seriously impressive push-up bra judging from that cleavage, presumably sourced from ye olde craft lingerie shop in her tiny 19th century village.

Leith turned Transylvanian. Given the sheer apocalyptic nature of the storm, I wondered if recent excavations at South Leith Parish Church had released some terrible beast from the past, rising up from its sealed dark tomb, gathering strength to unleash monstrous fury upon the city.

Wouldn’t get far. The road works on Leith Walk are a nightmare of their own, mate. More than likely any undead terror would find itself wandering about Great Junction Street trapped by temporary traffic lights and cones.

In fact we might have found that cones are like garlic to vampires, and just the thing to hold back a malevolent evil force.

The Great Beast is probably still out there, sitting on a bench beside Queen Victoria’s statue in the Kirkgate, downing Buckfast wondering where it all went wrong, and why everyone is wearing masks.

To be fair, you never actually saw Hammer storms. They couldn’t afford them. These days we’re used to Marvel marvels on our screens, and that overhead display was worthy of some superhero cinematically crashing through the heavens.

Just saying, that if Thor had smashed to Earth in my back garden looking anything like Chris Hemsworth, you wouldn’t have known about it because he wouldn’t be going anywhere soon.

There were moments when I half expected some massive alien mothership push down through those cataclysmic clouds to hover above the castle.

Would I have been surprised? No, it’s 2020, pretty much the craziest year I can remember, and it’s still got a couple of months to go.

Had the High Battle Commander of the Karg Invasion Fleet beamed onto Princes Street I probably would have hung out the bunting. Alien overlords, is it? Welcome. You can’t be worse than our present rulers in Downing Street.