Tory leadership race: Why I decided not to stand to be next Prime Minister – Susan Morrison

The nice thing about leadership elections is that you get to know people.

Well, we all knew Mr Sunak. Never off our pandemic screens whilst he threw money about like a drunken sailor on shore leave. He went a bit quiet of late.

Rumour says that the Tory Party’s grey grandees considered that open-handed largesse near tantamount to raging Socialism. Harsh. This man doesn’t even know how to use a credit card in a petrol station. Believe me, this is not a working-class hero.

Must have pushed him over the edge, that. Sudden resignation and swift move on the top job. Goodness, didn’t he manage to get himself a really slick, professional and expensive promotional video done in lickety-split time?

Time for a new start for the economy, he says. Odd. He’s been Chancellor for the last three years. ‘The economy’ was literally his job description. Didn’t he know?

Penny Mordaunt made a video too, which gave off strong vibes of a very firm Easyjet cabin crew manager refusing more booze to a Dublin-bound stag do.

A bloke on telly said she’d be a good choice, because she was popular in Scotland. Quick straw poll of the Scots I know revealed that most didn’t know her, two didn’t like her and one thought a Penny Mordaunt was a rare stamp, like a Penny Black.

Conservative MPs Tom Tugendhat and Penny Mordaunt are hoping to become the next Prime Minister (Picture: Tolga Akmen/AFP via Getty Images)

Tom Tugendhat has done a lot of striding about, as befits an ex-soldier. They like a bit of the old militaries, do the Tories. It is faintly worrying that both he and Mordaunt have connections to the armed forces. I worry that the final contest might degenerate into a Navy/Army smackdown if they start calling in past favours.

I did briefly consider launching my own bid. Everyone else seemed to be doing it. In fact, I wondered if there would be anyone left to actually vote. But I couldn’t live in Number 10.

No handy shops, y’see. No idea what you do when you run out of milk after nine at night. People were forced to bring in emergency wine in suitcases. Nah, not for me.