Vladimir McTavish: Child chimney-sweep apprentices wanted, apply Russell Findlay

Chimney sweep Mike McLenaghan at work in Edinburgh, November 1981

One can only assume that this idea was dreamed up in the pub after an endless day of meetings with focus groups and everyone had imbibed a few sherbets after the breakout session. Even in her wildest moments of unhinged craziness, his boss Kemi Badenoch would think this a bats*** idea.

Many kids leave school at 16 barely equipped to deal with the world outside, so letting them out onto the streets two years earlier is a recipe for chaos. At the heart of this proposal, as with so many Tory policies, is some nostalgic idea of Britain in the “good old days”.

The last time children were able to leave school at 14, there were actual jobs for them to do. I have talked to elderly retired miners who finished school on the Friday of their fourteenth birthday and started down the pit the following Monday.

But we no longer have coal mines. Only a handful of people have coal fires, meaning there are very few openings for chimney-sweeps in 2025.

I am willing to bet that some people think that Findlay’s ideas do not go far enough, and will hark back to Victorian times, when children could leave school at 11-years-old and go on to successful careers as barrow boys and pickpockets.

Findlay wants young people to take up apprenticeships. This again is viewing the past through rose-tinted spectacles. Most apprentices were employed solely to make tea and be the butt of practical jokes, being sent to the store for tartan paint or left-handed screwdrivers or to ask if they could have a long stand.

Of course, this is not how Russell Findlay views the plan. He describes it as “bold” decision to “fast track” young people into the world of work. It may, indeed, fast track people into the employment market. I fear the vast majority would be fast-tracked into the slow lane, finding themselves in dead-end jobs on very low wages.