Vladimir McTavish: Hot summer days bring thoughts of al fresco dining – and toilets

In some countries, it would be if the temperature exceeded 40 degrees celsius for five consecutive days. In others, it would be an increase in droughts and forest fires. In this country, we have a much simpler definition.

The new toilets in The Meadows have been vandalised

This week, I managed to get two washings out on the line for three days in a row. That is the benchmark for what constitutes a heatwave in Scotland.

And there is no doubt that the weather has been very pleasant indeed. While the mercury may have been creeping over the 30 mark down south, up here we have been basking very comfortably in the mid-twenties.

That’s just about the upper limit for the average Scottish person. If it gets any hotter, it won’t be long before we all start complaining about the heat.

In the meantime, people have been enjoying early evening drinks and picnics in our parks. And, of course, people eating and drinking al fresco will eventually be in need of some out-of-doors facility to relieve themselves.

Edinburgh City Council have been caught on the hop by the sudden good weather, as they haven’t finished the building work on a number of new toilet facilities. These were due to open in Inverleith Park, The Meadows and Leith Links at the start of the summer.

In past summers, Inverleith Park had temporary lavatories installed in late spring, which would be taken away in September. This provided cover for the peak al fresco urination season, as only the very desperate choose to pee outside in the colder months.

However, presumably because the new permanent loos were planned to open, the temporary bogs are not in place this year. Meanwhile, work on the new toilets appears to have stalled.

This means the public in Inverleith Park are having to resort to more rudimentary facilities, such as trees or bushes or the Sundial Garden.

The situation in The Meadows is even more acute with many local residents complaining about people relieving themselves in the street. And the toilets on Middle Meadow Walk have been vandalised before they even opened.

This weekend’s heatwave has been timed perfectly for the start of the TRNSMT Festival, so by Sunday afternoon Glasgow Green is going to be full of some very hungover, lobster-pink partygoers who will have been drinking and sleeping outside for 48 hours.

I’ve never been to TRNSMT but my experience of its fore-runner T-in-the-Park is that quite a few of the punters don’t even make it through the front gate.

The last time I performed there, I arrived at the main entrance on the Saturday afternoon to see half-a-dozen neds lying comatose on the grass outside, surrounded by empty Buckfast bottles.

Anyway, back to the vandalised lavvies on The Meadows. The only damage would appear to be that some Hibs fans have painted the back wall wall green with “HFC” in large white lettering.

The council say they will remove the graffiti. Would it not be cheaper just to buy a tin of maroon paint for the front wall? I’m sure local Jambos would be appeased.

Enjoy your weekend. Don’t get caught short in the sun.