​WhatsApp Doc? Social platform messages are best forgotten - Vladimir McTavish

​​Thanks to the Covid Enquiry, we now find out that Nicola Sturgeon called Boris Johnson “a f****** clown”. Few in Scotland will disagree with that sentiment.

I really do not understand why so much focus has been placed on the deletion of WhatsApp messages. It’s not as if it’s the only platform for communication.

Why not ask Nicola Sturgeon to submit her Instagram account, or her Tik Tok viewing history?

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If they really want to find out what people were getting up to at the time, have a look at their Facebook “Memories”. I am constantly being reminded of what I was doing “on this day” five or six years ago. This was particularly galling in May 2020 when I was stuck in the house, looking out of the window, and reminded that the same day one year previously I was on holiday in Mallorca. “Thanks for nothing, Mark Zuckerberg” was my thought at the time.

Anyway, who uses WhatsApp for important communication ? We know from when Dominic Cummings and UK cabinet ministers gave their evidence to the enquiry a few months back, that they used WhatsApp, like Sturgeon, to trade insults. Cummings’ messages appeared to be an endless stream of profanities, calling various ministers and civil servants c***s, b*******s, and f***ing useless sh**s.

During the pandemic, my WhatsApp inbox was normally full of cheesy memes with uplifting quotes from my American cousins along the lines of “Today you are wonderful.

Love all those around you, because without love there is no World”. Who wouldn’t automatically delete that sort of crap?

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When I wasn’t having to trawl through all of their inane nonsense, I was being bombarded by photos of their home-made pizzas. Believe it or not, one of them actually organised an online pizza -making competition. Oh my God, it’s all coming back to me now. The entire planet really did go utterly crazy for months on end in 2020.

The enquiry are totally welcome to read through all of this nonsense if they have the time,

And, while they’re at it, they can also have a look all of my sister’s “amusing” videos of her cat. After half-an-hour of this mind-numbing garbage, they will either have nodded off or thrown my phone into a bin.

As well as being a receptacle for my relatives to share this kind of utter trash, we used WhatsApp to post the answers to our weekly Sunday night Zoom quiz. Under Freedom Of Information legislation, I am now publicly obligated to reveal this information: The answers to round one are:

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Question one: Dave Dee, Dozy,Beaky, Mitch & Titch and Emerson, Lake & Palmer

Question two: He only had two fingers on one hand

Question three: Michael Jackson had a different nose in the “Thriller” video

Round two. Question One: Tommy Hutchison in the 1981 FA Cup Final

Question Two: His shoe fell off before the final lap.

Question Three: Pope John Paul II, Jean-Paul Sartre and Andy Goram

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Unfortunately, four years down the line, none of that makes any sense to me either. The actual questions themselves have already been deleted.

If anyone wants the answers to round three, I’ll post them on here next Saturday. Have a good weekend, and stay off WhatsApp.

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