When these two top cooks go to war it's like stags in heat round my house – Susan Morrison

Watch more of our videos on Shots! 
and live on Freeview channel 276
Visit Shots! now
There are two very accomplished cooks in this house. Neither of them are me.

I have been known to cook, in the same way that Donald Trump has been known to be a president. It happened, but let’s move on.

My son peruses cookery books. He knows how to read them. He’s like an Egyptologist reading hieroglyphics. I see two terrible dangers on those glossy pages. One, I can’t understand a word, and two, those photos are lying. I’ve fallen into that terrible trap before. A side-by-side shot of my cooking looks like Cordon Bleu next to Chernobyl.

Hide Ad
Hide Ad

He will select a dish, then I am presented with a shopping list of ingredients with weights in brackets, which I do not understand. I never went full-on metric, you see. It’s why I weigh myself in kilos. I don’t actually know what it means, so I don’t know how fat I am.

My husband is more of a ‘well, that’s what the recipe says, but what happens if you bung in half a bottle of chilli sauce’ kind of a cook. Perhaps not a good approach for a Victoria sponge, but it gives the old British casserole a fair old kick.

Now, you’d think this is a recipe for a great life for a non-cook, but things sometimes come to a head when they both want the kitchen. You have what is basically a turf war over the hob. No, I don’t know what that is.

It can get, well, heated. I was reminded of this whilst watching Attenborough the other night. Excellent programme, as ever. He was introducing us to the age-old story of battles for supremacy. A mighty old stag and a younger one were having a right set-to in a Highland river, knocking lumps out of each other. The old stag won and did a bit of victorious bellowing.

Hide Ad
Hide Ad

He does that, when he wins, my husband, only he clears his throat in a very Yorkshire way and rattles the frying pan. But for how much longer can he protect his kitchen territory from the young buck, eh?

Comment Guidelines

National World encourages reader discussion on our stories. User feedback, insights and back-and-forth exchanges add a rich layer of context to reporting. Please review our Community Guidelines before commenting.