Why, I’d pay to not see Boris Johnson at the Usher Hall - Susan Morrison

Tickets are available to see Boris Floppy-fringe Johnson address the nation from the stage of the Usher Hall. Mr Johnson, you'll remember, once became Prime Minister.

This came as a shock to many. I am willing to bet that in the Games Rooms of at least one of his gentlemen’s clubs the louche conversation ran as follows:

“Bojo’s got a job!’

“Broke again, is he? What's he doing now?”

“Oh, something part-time in Downing Street involving wallpaper.”

It was a very strange time. As you may recall he took the opportunity, while we were all locked up, to have parties in the office. Wizard wheeze.

Well, now he's coming to town, like Santa, only with less goodwill.

The tickets will fly off the shelves - £125 for the good ones, but for forty odd quid you can bag a bargain in the 'reduced seats', a term the Tories became very familiar with at the last general election.

If gawping in the dark at the man who played at Prime Minister is not enough for you, there's a meet and greet option for the remarkably cheap and precise price of £121.25 (selfie included).

Some feel that this circus should not come to town. Fair do’s. I feel the same way about musical theatre, although Calamity Jane (Festival Theatre, April 18, looks like tickets are going fast) never did half the damage to the economy that Bojo did.

A petition has been raised to stop The Johnson Show. Understandable, but I say no.

Let the tickets sell, I say. In fact, let's crowd fund for the £121.25 “Snapshot with Boris”, and give those moments away to those all who wish to come face-to-face with the man who so selflessly led us through Covid. I'll bet many would have quite the witty quip for him.

And for those who still believe his whimsical tales and dangerous nonsense, you should seize the moment. Remember, you should never meet your heroes. Particularly ones as tarnished as this.