Hayley Matthews: I flashed the headteacher to cheer up my jealous boy

I must sound like a broken record talking baby stuff but forgive me for being excited as it's taken me six months to even utter the words 'I'm pregnant' after a bad start with pre-natal depression.

Friday, 5th October 2018, 6:00 am
Hayley is keeping baby chat to a minimum with her resentful son

It’s nice to feel something other than impending doom and despair so I’m relishing it. However, there is one person I’ve been very careful around, and have been making a conscious effort not to baby gush in front of, and that’s my six-year-old son, who didn’t take the news of a sibling very well at all initially.

I do try my hardest to keep things light and positive for him, despite not feeling great myself. The obstetrician said baby no 2 is a very big boy, possibly 9lbs-plus so the sun roof it is!

Anyway, I can’t run, play football, or do any of the “fun” stuff I usually do so my son has resorted to using other techniques to boost his mood and one of these techniques is flashing my belly! We were in the Royal High ­Primary School during the week to pick up a friend and I happen to mention to the headteacher (the wonderful Mr French) how I was sad to hear he was leaving the school.

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He asked my son if he was looking ­forward to becoming a big brother and as my son replied he wheeched my top up over my head, exposing a lilac maternity bra complete with leaky boob stains, my massive hairy belly and a pair of grey Bridget Jones-esque saggy pants that were hanging over my leggings. This was all whilst announcing that I have hairy armpits! Thank god he didn’t mention the “triangle” because he’s obsessed with telling people I have a ­“triangle” (I’ll let you guess what that part is).

Now I don’t normally get embarrassed but Mr French is well liked by the ladies (if you get what I mean) and is always incredibly well turned out, so to have me in the middle of the ­corridor with my six-year-old exposing the most unsightly bits of me, was something I’d hoped would be served only as a form of severe punishment. Actually, I think that’s exactly what my son is doing – punishing me.

My normally jokey child has become quite resentful towards me and a tad angry, and I’m struggling with it. I’m not quite sure what to do and I can’t go around flashing people all the time to make him laugh. I gave that up in the mid-90s. I think he sees me as the person who has Satan in their belly. He’s asked me if, when the baby comes along, I’ll love the baby instead of him and he’s even referred to me as “the baby lover” despite keeping baby chat with him to an absolute minimum for fear of an eruption and reassuring him all of the time that I love him more than he’ll ever know.

I’ve even been careful when ­parcels arrive for the baby. I had a lovely Asda hamper delivered with items from their baby event (which is on until October 7) and made sure my son knew there were things in there that he would use. There was also a Lego toy especially for him, so thank you who ever packed it, you must have gone through a similar thing yourself with an envious child.

It definitely cheered him up. However, no matter what I do, it just doesn’t seem good enough unless I’m making a complete fool of myself.

However, I genuinely wouldn’t have it any other way, so a flash-a-thon it is for the next few weeks. Get to the back of the queue!