Hayley Matthews: I have an unhappy mum and it's heartbreaking
On Sunday, people everywhere will be showering their mums with cards, gifts and trinket in the name of Mother's Day. However, sadly that won't be me. My mum is still around, we just don't have a relationship which makes me sad, but it's just the way it is.
I’ll spare you the details as it’s a lengthy story, I don’t wish her any harm, she just doesn’t really fit the “mum” archetype, hence the non-existent relationship.
Being a mum myself I totally get the ‘stuff’ that comes with being a mum. Actually, I’m typing this out at 3am as I sit watching my son, making sure he’s ok as he’s been up all night being sick. We’re on the sofa and I’ll be really tired tomorrow but motherhood is all swings and roundabouts. I’d had a lovely day at Stobo Castle with a friend earlier, so was well rested to deal with a night shift. I’d decided to do something nice for myself as a hard-working, multi-tasking, bogie-wiping mum, instead of focusing on the negatives surrounding my non-existent relationship with my mum. Mums need to look after themselves because we actually hold it all together.
We make sure everyone has clean pants, enough loo roll, food in the fridge and also offer a taxi service too. We’re literally run off our feet.
So a relaxing day with a ‘mum friend’ was required. The drive down to Stobo with my friend was therapeutic in itself, driving past snow-covered fields that looked like a Baked Alaska, putting the world to rights and exchanging advice.
Neither of us had been before so when we arrived, Amanda, the director’s wife, gave us a lovely welcome and tour. We could smell the orange blossom oils from the car park and instantly knew it was going to be a lovely day that we were both in need of.
As Amanda showed us round, we commented on how homely and special the place looked. All I could think was “my mum would love this” but us doing anything together is just not possible, plus I’d much rather have my friend there. We chatted in the lounge about how we both had a pile of ironing to do and should really have got that done instead of sitting about relaxing, but we really shouldn’t feel guilty, us mums do so much.
It’s hard to put yourself first when you’re so used to putting others first but if you don’t do it every now and then, a snap will be imminent. I reminded myself again not to feel guilty and went back to enjoying the relaxing surroundings.
A few hours later, after more putting the world to rights, having a facial and filling our faces with ginger cake and custard, I could see the stresses of motherhood melt away from my friend’s face and my own. Spending some me time with a mum friend does makes you realise, we’re all just doing our best for our kids and families, trying to work it all out as we go along, making mistakes and learning from them to be the best mothers that we can. But the most important thing was that us mums should never forget about ourselves. Mother’s Day can be any day of the week because a happy mum, means a happy family, which is what everyone wants. I have an unhappy mum, and it’s not fun, trust me, it’s heartbreaking.
So if you’ve not got something arranged yet for your mum this weekend do something nice. She needs it, we all do.