Just for laughs: A ‘special’ report for Cammy Day’s big day – John McLellan

Evening News columnist John McLellan imagines an email exchange that might have taken place ahead of Cammy Day’s Leader’s Report.

Cammy Day will be answering questions about the monthly leader's report. Picture: Ian Georgeson

It’s Cammy’s Day, so to speak, when Edinburgh’s Labour chief Cammy Day steps up to the plate at the full council meeting as acting leader and gets to field questions about the monthly leader’s report.

The report, which you can read at your leisure online, features the launch of the Tourist Tax consultation after it appeared in the SNP’s latest Programme for Government, a visit by SNP minister Roseanna Cunningham to Saughton Park, and the SNP’s announcement of finance arrangements for a new Currie High School.

Once again, internal emails leaked out early last week, revealing the complex discussions with the council’s communications department in preparing these vital bulletins... Could they be genuine? It’s possible...

From: Cammy Day

To: Strategy and Communications Directorate (SACD)

Hi, I’ve got the suggestions for the Leader’s Report. It’s all SNP, SNP, SNP. I know they’re in charge but isn’t there something I can say with Labour in it? I mean, it might only be this once but I’m the leader. I get to say what goes in. This is a coalition, right?

SACD: Thank you, Cllr Day. We thought about including something about John McDonnell using Edinburgh to launch your new policy about giving the SNP a second independence referendum, but we weren’t too sure where you stood on that. There’s the People’s Vote on Brexit, seeing as it’s SNP policy, but after listening to Emily Thornberry on the Today programme we weren’t sure what the Labour position was.

CD: Best stay local. The Tourist Tax fair enough, but that’s just me saying thanks to the SNP. Then there’s me bigging up the Cunningham visit. I’m even giving them a pat on the back for Currie High when they’ve messed up the West Edinburgh schools plan and given us naff all for the others. Danny Boy MSP will chuck the designer furniture around Studio One if he reads it.

SACD: I can understand your frustration but you can hardly criticise your coalition partner. We’re not long out of August so maybe you could do something about all the exciting shows you went to?

CD: No chance. That might look like I was enjoying myself while the middle of town looked like the Seafield recycling centre. Joan Griffiths says it’s a right dogs’ breakfast down there. Mind you, the chaos the new set-up is causing won’t be a patch on the mayhem from this transformation stuff. No wonder General George is going doolally about us ripping up the bus routes and making them pay for those free hopper buses. Better leave that out or he’ll have me strapped to the One o’Clock Gun.

SACD: Very wise, Councillor. Politically, best left to Cllr Macinnes. She knows all about dogs’ breakfasts. I really don’t think there is much we can usefully add at this juncture.

CD: For pity’s sake, the Nats slash the budget by £30m and here’s me buttering them up... What about that French property hooley we went to in March? All those legless blokes in shiny suits swigging Krug promising to invest in this, build that or whatever. Surely one of them has coughed up by now?

SACD: You mean MIPIM in Cannes? The team has followed up new contacts, but most of them have just said they’ll get back to us, although one did say how exciting the Granton marina and hotel sounded.

CD: Oh God, no, don’t mention Granton. Nest of vipers, that. Nothing else?

SACD: I’m afraid not. It was all uncertainty, Brexit and independence being a nightmare, maybe this time next year, that sort of thing.

CD: This time next year there might not be a bloody Labour Party. Oh well. Things can only get better...

If a tee-shirt is good enough for Georgio Armani, it’s good enough for Cammy Day

Not quite suited and booted, I’m told City Labour leader Cammy Day turned up for the Riding of the Marches on Sunday casually attired but unworried because his smart kit and caboodle for the formal parade was in his office. And indeed the suit was there but unfortunately, not a shirt.

Ach, if a tee-shirt and jacket is good enough for Georgio Armani… but just as well those big red councillors’ gowns can cover anything up.