Let’s face it, some of us just don’t have a good memory for faces - Susan Morrison
Reverie suddenly shattered by an extremely elderly but remarkably nimble chap popping up before me shouting ‘Hullo! How marvellous to see you!”
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Hide AdBrain crash-lands back to Earth to confirm that I have no idea who this is.
This happens to me all the time. Terrible memory for faces, especially when people are out of context.
Once it was a woman who swam at the same session as me. She just appeared in a full-length ballgown. Well, not at the pool, obviously. They’re very easy going at Leith Victoria but even they’d draw the line at lane-swimming in floor-sweeping taffeta.
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Hide AdIt was at a charity thing. My brain scrambled for ages to identify this person I usually saw in a one-piece cossie and swimming goggles.
Also, I think I have prosopagnosia, or ‘face-blindness’. Well, Brad Pitt thinks he has it, so it must be a thing.
My brain just forgets people’s faces. Also, I took a test online. If that’s not scientific I don’t know what is.
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Hide AdLike a lot of people with this, I have coping strategies. I am very good at making ‘uh-uh’ noises during conversations while my brain ransacks my memory banks.
I ask mild and wide questions, seeking clues in names and jobs and children and the like.
It’s what I was doing when the old gentleman boomed out. “You are looking very well!” There was a lady behind him, perhaps his wife. She was looking at me very carefully.
“And so are you! Both!” I cried, awash with bonhomie.
He was very chuffed. She relaxed a little.
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Hide AdNow, the astute among you will have noticed that I have passed the point of no return in polite conversation. I cannot deny them now, and like all well-brought up Scots, I would probably rather snog Nigel Farage than embarrass someone by saying ‘you’re wrong. I don't know who you are.’
“Are you keeping well?” I asked, solicitously.
“Yes, yes, we are,” he answered “And you, Annette?”
Whoops. The bottom fell out of the world at that moment. His wife tensed
Well, I thought, in for a penny
“Yes,’ I said, breezily, ‘Just grand’
"And you’ve left Hemel Hempstead,then?”
Minor hitch, no problem, I can busk this, “Yes, thought it was time for a change.”
“And Brian, is he still at the bank?
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Hide Ad“No, no, he’s got a new job,” I said, fighting the mischievous desire to announce he’d become an astronaut.
“And the children? “
Tricky. Hadn’t factored that in. Numbers, genders, ages, too much detail there, so a simple “They’re grand”
“Well, we mustn’t keep you, Annette, but it's lovely to see you, and you are looking very very well.”
“Thank you,” I said, “and so are you.”
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Hide AdHe barrelled off at remarkable speed, but she stopped, leaned towards me and said ‘His memory’s a bit wonky. He does this now and then. Thanks for that.”
“Oh, no worries” I replied, feeling slightly let off the hook. “Is there an Annette?
“Yes”, she said. “Such a shame. She died ten years ago.” She gave me a sideways look and smiled and said, “So, you are looking well.”
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