Steve Cardownie: The funny and wise letters that kids send to Santa

To lighten the mood (or not as the case may be) I decided that, as it is the week before Christmas, I should share some jokes that may make the reader inwardly chuckle or groan (and tell the kids) and some children's letters to Santa. So here goes:

Steve Cardownie tells a few festive crackers

Q: What did Adam say the day before Christmas?

A: It’s Christmas Eve!

Q: What did Cinderella say when her photos didn’t arrive on time?

A: Some day my prints will come.

Q: What do you give a dog for Christmas?

A: A mobile bone.

Q: Why was the snowman looking through the carrots?

A: He was picking his nose.

Q: What is Santa’s favourite pizza?

A: One that’s deep-pan, crisp and even.

Q: What is the best Christmas present?

A: A broken drum, you cannae beat it.

Q; What do you call a woman who stands between two goalposts?

A: Annette.

That’s the limit of my cheesy Christmas jokes that are so bad that they wouldn’t get into a Christmas cracker.

Next I have included excerpts from a few genuine letters from kids to Santa:

“Santa if you’re bringing presents with batteries, bring the batteries.”

“You better bring my pony this year or there will be consequensis.”

“No clothes!”

“I would like some Taylor Swift tickets. I would also like clothes from Nordstrom and a boyfriend!”

“Hi Santa. FYI if someone wants a monkey for Christmas, the monkey will be bad I love u.”

The last is from a wee boy in America and reads:

“Dear Santa, I have a great idea. On Christmas when you are in everyone’s house you could take all of the guns and put them into your sack and hide them at the North Pole and then no one could kill anyone anymore in the world. Thank you.”

What I find particularly endearing about the last letter is that he did not even ask for anything for himself but confined his letter to making a suggestion to Santa that, in his eyes, would make the world a better place. There is hope for us yet!

Please remember to look after your neighbour, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!