Vladimir McTavish: In the current climate we don’t need Trump too

Last month, despite its divisions over Brexit, parliament voted overwhelmingly to recognise climate change as an emergency. So it seems somewhat bizarre that the red carpet is now being rolled out to greet the world’s most famous ­climate change denier, President Donald Trump, who has now taken it upon himself to get involved in the Brexit debate, by talking up his ­buddies Nigel Farage and Boris Johnson.

Trump Babysitters inflate the Trump Baby Blimp in Parliament Square. Picture: Getty

It’s not just the president who is visiting. He is flying in his entire ­family plus an enormous entourage of hangers-on, bodyguards and ­advisers. Never mind the offence his visit is causing, think of the carbon footprint.

What is the point of a state visit by the most reviled holder of the office of commander-in-chief to meet with a lame duck prime minister who has no power over her own party, let alone the country?

We are told it is all about The Trade Deal. Are we really expected to believe that May will be able to negotiate a trade deal with Trump? Unlikely, given her powers of negotiation. I ­suspect that if Theresa May attempted to negotiate her way out of the self-service checkouts at my local ­Morrisons, she’d probably only manage to lock herself in the customer toilets.

Vladimir McTavish

Any trade deal with Trump’s United States is likely to involve Britain being forced to import produce previously banned by EU food safety laws, such as chlorinated chicken. “Do Americans really chlorinate chicken?” I hear you ask. Just take a look at their president. He certainly does have the appearance of someone who survives on a diet solely made up of toxic chemicals, washed down by Diet Coke.

Of course, as we all know, the real reason for the President’s visit is to make Theresa May look good. As she nears the end of her hapless, ­shambolic, error-strewn premiership, the PM lined up for a photo ­opportunity with the president, and the reaction of most of us was “OK, she was utterly rubbish at her job, but at least we didn’t get a racist buffoon like him”.

Whether or not Trump will meet the future prime minister is anyone’s guess. Many consider the baker’s dozen of candidates queuing up to replace Theresa May to be a collection of liars, chancers and complete nonentities, but they are all preferable to The Donald. Even if Boris Johnson is the winner. He may have been the worst foreign secretary in the UK’s history, and he is viewed by many people as a boorish moron, but he looks positively statesmanlike when compared to the current occupant of the White House.

Right-wing populists like Trump and Farage attempt to excuse their bigoted comments by saying they are reflecting the views of normal people. They are not reflecting the views of normal people, they are merely reflecting the views of other bigots.

The one reassuring aspect of this visit has been the reaction of the public, which can best be described as good-humoured contempt. From the people who managed to paint the words ‘Oi Trump’ next to a giant phallus on the field next to Stansted Airport, to the couple in London holding a placard reading “All in all, you’re just a p**** with no wall”, he is being greeted with ridicule. Which is all he deserves.

Tickets are on sale for Vladimir McTavish’s 2019 Edinburgh Fringe show 60 Minutes To Save The World at www.edfringe.com