I struggled with my cleft but now I am proud of my scar and love supporting the cleft charity Smile Train

Growing up I underwent 15-20 serious surgeries because of my cleft, the first when I wasn’t even one-year-old yet and the last at 21. I struggled to eat and speak ‘normally’ – which made life at school particularly challenging.

I went between hospitals in Edinburgh, Glasgow and Birmingham for surgeries as some doctors and surgeons didn’t know how to tackle the next stage of my care. It was a lot for a young girl. I felt like a guinea pig.

I was told when I was younger that there was no real training materials, like video and imagery, for Scottish medical students, but thankfully it’s much better now.

Matilda participating in Smile Train's Beauty in Every Smile campaign in 2023. | Fanny Beckman

It was a weird time, because I didn’t have anything to compare what I was going through to. I always knew that everything that was happening to me didn’t feel normal.

I’m a twin, non-identical. I love my sister dearly, but growing up it was a constant reminder of my condition. I was always thinking, “why is this happening to me and not her?” I always felt like I wasn’t “normal”, but what is normal?

We have two older sisters also, and now all grown up I think my experience of cleft has helped everybody. We are empathetic and like to help people. One is a teacher and another is a nurse.

School was tough. I had to grow a thick skin at times when people would throw paper at me or lift their lip to mimic me. I masked my resentment through alcohol, drugs, and fighting. It was an escape from having this condition, and I felt like the only thing I could control. It also meant I wasn’t ‘the girl with the cleft’ anymore.

All of this made me who I am today, stronger and confident. I now realise I was using these things to deal with having a cleft, and I was out of control – my poor parents. I found it really hard to make real friends, and that’s because I didn’t know anybody going through a similar medical condition or who looked like me. I didn’t want to be the girl with the different face, but now I love having one.

Matilda Lansdown pictured when she was a newborn with an untreated cleft. | Matilda Lansdown

Getting into hairdressing and make-up was great as I found it perfect for expressing myself, connecting with other people and helping them feel better about themselves. It was another form of escapism and taking back control, without hitting the bottle. Being able to have a positive effect on people is amazing.

Social media was also a great tool for me to connect with people going through this, and it still is. I have made connections with people from all over the world. However, it also exposes kids today to a more rapidly unrealistic world of body standards. So, it’s double edged.

I was lucky enough to be born in the UK, where the NHS was able to give me the treatment I needed growing up. But treatment is not readily available everywhere else, and certainly not for free. That’s what sparked me to start working with the world’s largest cleft charity, Smile Train - which has also changed my life.

If clefts are left untreated, they can lead to difficulties with eating, breathing, hearing and speaking – which can be life-threatening. Sadly, this is a reality in many low-to-middle-income countries where treatment isn’t readily available. But Smile Train are working hard to change this.

Instead of sending a bunch of world class doctors into countries to perform surgeries and then leave, Small Train are training and funding medical professionals in these countries, so that they are learning the skills needed to help people with cleft in their local communities. It’s much more sustainable, and it means that children are getting the quality cleft repair surgery and comprehensive care that they need in order to thrive.

Matilda loves working for cleft charity Smile Train. | Smile Train

I have worked with the charity for 10 years now as one of their UK cleft Ambassadors, as well as sitting on their community advisory panel. They have given me a lot of opportunities to speak about my experiences growing up with cleft, which I love doing. I can be the person I needed when I was a kid with a cleft.

I went to Ethiopia a few years ago, and that was amazing. I got to visit some of Smile Train’s partner hospitals and the children and families they were helping. I met kids aged two and up, and a gentleman at 70 getting treatment for the first time.

I’m not done yet. I have worked in the beauty industry for more than half my life now and I have yet to be sold a lipstick by someone with a cleft. Ten per cent of people in the world have a scar on their face and need to apply make-up in a different way. There’s so much room for more diversity and inclusivity in this space, and I want to be part of it.

I know that I want to make people feel good about themselves. And I hope to introduce something in the next few weeks which will positively affect people with face defects. I’m sworn to secrecy just now though.

Matilda and her dad Adam treking across Italy in 2018 to raise money for Smile Train. | Matilda Lansdown

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I don’t think I’m who I want to be yet, but I’m happy with who I am. Most of the time I like my scars because it’s me. I remember when I was 18 or 19 and I was having surgery, and the surgeon said I could possibly have the scar removed with a skin graft.

I was immediately excited about this possibility, but then I slept on it and said I wasn’t ready to do that just yet. Thinking back now I’m glad I didn’t go through with it, as I struggled adjusting to other appearance-affecting surgeries anyway.

My scar is important, it’s me, it’s who I am.

For more information about Smile Train, visit smiletrain.org.uk. Making a donation will help them to continue to change the world one smile at a time